Another year, now what?
Recount the holiday hoopla and subsequent holiday hangover? Scratch out a feeble map for the journey through winter and poise for the herald of spring? Nah! How about we cut to the chase. Here’s the skinny, the straight dope, the bottom-line…
Kelsey Donovan wants more out of life. Her desires land her in a pool of excess every December, but by the time the last cork hits the floor on New Years Eve she’s had enough. She’s ready to turn over a new leaf, right the wrongs, restore her life to its former state of glorious potential. Yes, a new and improved Kelsey vows to take down her demons.
“This is the year, babe. My bad habits can go to hell for good.”
“To hell for good? Kels, sweetie, that doesn’t sound quite right. What are you sayin’? You’re going to try to find yourself? Again?”
“No. Yeah. I mean, this time it’s gonna be different. I promise.”
Every January the circus comes to town. First, it’s the closets, then the medicine cabinet followed by the pantry. Room by room, Kelsey tosses the previous year’s must haves into a box for charity, as though the impulse will catapult her toward what she craves. Of course, she’s not working without a net. Her husband, Brad, has seen it all. The cleanse calendar, the psychic who came to dinner, the year of Mother Theresa meets Martha Stewart. Brad has a memory like an elephant and, luckily, a sense of humor.
“My God, Kels, wait! Before you go all granola minimalist, let’s talk. Remember last Saint Patrick’s Day? Have you forgotten what happens when cold turkey meets cold duck? Please, let’s not go through that again. Where is that drunken leprechaun outfit anyway?”
Kelsey and Brad are fictional characters, but their behavior is real. If you recognize it, even slightly, then you know what I mean. January sends people into spasms of self-improvement. Some get fit, some get real, and some simply get ripped off because they can’t give their money away fast enough to the promoters of every fantasy under the sun who are standing by at 1-800-SCAMMER.
What’s that you say? The world is full of people who want to help you succeed, find enlightenment, realize your dreams, publish your memoir. NO IT IS NOT! There are maybe half a dozen people on the planet who genuinely want to help us, and I can guarantee none of them are trying to reach us via pop-up ad.
Since mid-December I have been recovering from surgery. So, I’ve had LOTS of time to surf for all sorts of the things. Each time I found a site that looked promising and began to read an article, I was bombarded with ads. After a few days I began to notice some of the items I’d searched for were showing up in banner ads on totally unrelated sites. I mean seriously, what do grad students have to do with extra virgin coconut oil?…Nevermind.
In 2015, I hope to accomplish many things. One is to discover the answer to this one question. Who clicks on these stupid online ads?