The curtains unfold as Caroline rushes in with another bullshit scheme.
“I’m gonna make a million bucks!”
A cockroach crawls along the sill. I pick up the Webster’s and slam it down.
“I’ll share. All you have to do is pretend I can read your mind. Come on, we’ll try it out in the park.”
“No. I don’t want to trick people into giving you money. I just want to study so that someday I can live in a place that isn’t infested. So I can look out a window and see something besides a brick wall!”
She doesn’t argue.
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45 thoughts on “Another September”
Stephanie, this is an incredible piece… atmospheric, cynical and edgy. The dialogue and the descriptive scene really bring it home. Great story!
Damn! I kept getting a message that my comment could not be posted. So, I wrote another… trying to remember what I said the first time, because THAT was exactly what I wanted to say. Feel free to delete this one. Please. 😉 Or, just know that I liked this piece twice!
So nice you liked it twice😀. It’s weird when those messages come up. TechNOlogic.
Honie, this in descriptive scene and dialogue. The emptiness and distance is palpable. Wonderful piece!
Emptiness and distance. The space between. Yep. Thanks so much, Dawn.
Cheesy alternate ending:
“I knew you were going to say that.”
Ha! There is a mind reader in the family.
Yes, what rgayer said. The MC is on the right track, study, graduate, and make a better life. Good story.
Graduate, pay off student loan, make a better life. Check!
There’s only one way to get rich – work hard and focus.
Or buy a lottery ticket and get lucky
Or be born to a rich family.
Or learn how to read minds. HA!
That would work 🙂
That was a bullshit scheme. I have a cousin who works extremely hard at scheming to become rich. If he’d put that much effort into real work he would have been a millionaire long ago. Instead he lives in a dilapidated house and keeps searching for the next big thing.
Schemers! There’s one in every family. Lotto tickets and a pack o’ Luckys? Really? Like pickin’ up a book would kill ’em!
Can relate…well done.
Yep, too relatable.
How well I remember this, yes cockroaches and all. Loved the music.
The music was a happy accident.
She doesn’t argue but does she get it?
I think she gets it now.
Great dialogue and storytelling, Honie. I like the slam with the Webster’s, but then I wouldn’t want to use that book! Seeing cockroaches on the wall is a pretty disgusting experience. Yucky. I hope she gets out of there.
She does get out of there. She sure does! 😉
A sense of desperation tempered with hope- well balanced, as always.
Teetering, as always. 🙂
It’s probably not the point of your writing, but this reminded me of the crappy apartment my former MIL once had. We would go over there for dinner and cockroaches would literally (yes, I mean literally literally) skitter across our feet as we were eating. Dirty, disgusting place. It’s a wonder we didn’t end up sick.
The point exactly, Mr. Petruska. Most of us do have some cockroach story to share.
Great dialogue and scene setting. You drew me into the moment. Wonderful storytelling.
Thanks so much, Rochelle. I hope you enjoyed a nice birthday celebration.
Moving sounds like the better of the two ideas. Nice one.
Yes, moving is a good idea.
I hope they escape; they’re both so desperate for a better life. Nice character dynamics – the realist and the dreamer.
One really does need the other, don’t they?
I can picture this scene vividly, Honie. Wouldn’t want to live there either.
Hi, Helen. This story has its roots in reality. Too many people’s reality.
I vote for moving, too!!
Yes, they should leave it all behind and find a nice place in the country. 🙂
Determination usually succeeds In the meantime there’s always the vulnerable suckers in the park!
Yep, it’s that mean time that’ll make or break ya.
Love where you took this one. Seems like it could be a tough picture to use as a prompt.
Sometimes a story pops right out from the prompt. Sometimes it takes some work. Sometimes nothing.
Scenes from dwelling in the city—great slice of life and look at things to come.
Have I told you that I really like the Om symbol for your signature? The blogger formerly known as Allan. HA!
Thank you, Stephanie. It was an experiment that seems to have gained some traction. It is a better alternative to f.k.a. Allan, wouldn’t you agree? Ω