Seven weeks ago I had a hysterectomy. That it was necessary, even after more than a year of compounding symptoms that something was wrong, was news I did not take lightly. I got a second opinion. However, it turned out to be the same as the first opinion. Scheduling the surgery between semesters was my best option. So, just before Christmas, a surgeon-assisted robot removed my entire reproductive system.
That’s right, no pitter-patter of little Honies in my future. Whew! With two adult children, Loyal Follower and I are good to go in the kid department. I know there are women in their forties and fifties who have mastered the Lean In approach to life, but frankly, I couldn’t do 24/7 email, voice mail, texts from clients, co-workers, employees, employers, working lunches, and conference calls plus load my calendar with commitments to PTA and play dates. Add to that the whole kick-boxing/palates/yoga or spin class conundrum while the kids are at soccer/ballet/therapy.
Leaning into all of that can land a person on their ass. And what about the significant other? What happens when the one to whom you promised something or other until death do you part begins to feel not-so-significant? Then you have to lean in for counseling, custody, child support, their twenty-something “friend”.
Of course, I suppose it would be easier if I had a staff to handle the small stuff. You know, so I wouldn’t have to sweat the small stuff.
Yeah, whatever Dr. Phil!
This change of life business is loaded with snares and pits of self-loathing, because, you know, everybody’s doing it. Yes, middle-age gives way to old-age, and my god, we certainly can’t have that when there are so many age-defying products on the market.
What a great time to be alive!
Last semester I took a survey of Women’s Studies. I was the oldest student by FAR, but this did not bother me. What bothered me was the extremely low self-esteem of too many of my classmates. This severe condition seems to be brought on by a number of factors including one thing none of us are too eager to live without anymore, social media. Maybe the robot doctors who manage the sick care system in the future will determine a recommended daily allowance of internet use.
Will we have to purchase supplements for a digital dosage during those times when the WiFi signal is lost?
This semester I am taking a survey of Anthropology. Learning what it means to be human has really opened my eyes. For instance, today I read that my southern accent can be attributed to the humidity in our geographical location. That’s right, it turns out that the tonal quality of southern speech comes down to having a hydrated larynx. I’m telling you, if I can get a research grant to fund a study that proves humidity causes cellulite, I’m gonna make a major breakthrough in the discovery of a dimple reducing salve. It will of course be patented and marketed under the name Southern Fried Kudzu Butt Rub.
Happy Ground Hog’s Day everybody! Winter will be over before we know it.