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Another year, now what?

Recount the holiday hoopla and subsequent holiday hangover? Scratch out a feeble map for the journey through winter and poise for the herald of spring? Nah! How about we cut to the chase. Here’s the skinny, the straight dope, the bottom-line…

Kelsey Donovan wants more out of life. Her desires land her in a pool of excess every December, but by the time the last cork hits the floor on New Years Eve she’s had enough. She’s ready to turn over a new leaf, right the wrongs, restore her life to its former state of glorious potential. Yes, a new and improved Kelsey vows to take down her demons.

“This is the year, babe. My bad habits can go to hell for good.”

“To hell for good? Kels, sweetie, that doesn’t sound quite right. What are you sayin’? You’re going to try to find yourself? Again?”

“No. Yeah. I mean, this time it’s gonna be different. I promise.”

Every January the circus comes to town. First, it’s the closets, then the medicine cabinet followed by the pantry. Room by room, Kelsey tosses the previous year’s must haves into a box for charity, as though the impulse will catapult her toward what she craves. Of course, she’s not working without a net. Her husband, Brad, has seen it all. The cleanse calendar, the psychic who came to dinner, the year of Mother Theresa meets Martha Stewart. Brad has a memory like an elephant and, luckily, a sense of humor.

“My God, Kels, wait! Before you go all granola minimalist, let’s talk. Remember last Saint Patrick’s Day?  Have you forgotten what happens when cold turkey meets cold duck? Please, let’s not go through that again. Where is that drunken leprechaun outfit anyway?”

Kelsey and Brad are fictional characters, but their behavior is real. If you recognize it, even slightly, then you know what I mean. January sends people into spasms of self-improvement. Some get fit, some get real, and some simply get ripped off because they can’t give their money away fast enough to the promoters of every fantasy under the sun who are standing by at 1-800-SCAMMER.

What’s that you say? The world is full of people who want to help you succeed, find enlightenment, realize your dreams, publish your memoir. NO IT IS NOT! There are maybe half a dozen people on the planet who genuinely want to help us, and I can guarantee none of them are trying to reach us via pop-up ad.

Since mid-December I have been recovering from surgery. So, I’ve had LOTS of time to surf for all sorts of the things. Each time I found a site that looked promising and began to read an article, I was bombarded with ads. After a few days I began to notice some of the items I’d searched for were showing up in banner ads on totally unrelated sites. I mean seriously, what do grad students have to do with extra virgin coconut oil?…Nevermind.

In 2015, I hope to accomplish many things. One is to discover the answer to this one question. Who clicks on these stupid online ads? 

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33 thoughts on “2015, I’m All Over It!

  1. What happens when cold turkey meets cold duck? That’s easy. Leftover turducken.

    Hope you’re mending nicely!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      HA! On the mend, sure, but it’s a S L O W go. Turducken, Farfegnugen!

  2. Lyle Krahn says:

    Ah those pesky ads. You probably don’t want to know who clicks on them since it might be your best friend!!

  3. take care of yourself Honie–and don’t change your eye colour!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Will do, LouAnn. No big changes on the agenda.

  4. That women looks like a witch. Is that a real life witch?!? Wart and all… I don’t know who clicks those adds, must be someone though.

    I try not to get caught up in the New Year’s bs, especially since January with its cold days, cloudy skies, depressing lack of sunshine is probably the worst time of the year to try making lifestyle changes. Wanna lose weight? Wait until Spring/Summer when you can actually buy some decent fresh veggies and get outside to ride a bike! Great post!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Agreed. January is a time of comfort food and breaking all the gadgets we got from Santa. February is for seed catelogs and love poems. March is for dragging out the ab blaster 2000 and juicing until you’re too weak to blink. April is strictly a relapse month. Just doing the taxes requires large quantities of Doritos and Rum. May is Support Your Personal Trainer Month. June comes along just in time for Therapist Appreciation Week. Once Fourth of July rolls around, it’s all downhill from there. It’s too hot to move and by August, well, who remembers? Everything has melted into a puddle of good intentions. Before we know it, everyone’s putting out Halloweeen candy.
      I’ve missed you. Welcome back. Are you back?

      1. That might be one of the best answers I’ve ever received to a comment. Seriously, loved it! Yes, I’m back… in a moment of weakness I decided it would be a good idea to start blogging again. 🙂 Posted a few things recently and there’s still some people reading! Wow!

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Well, why didn’t you say so?! I’m heading right over to see what you’ve been up to.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Hey world traveler! Love the new gravatar. Seriously awesome adventures for kids of all ages. Love it!! Glad you had a laugh, now get up off the floor. HA!

  5. Hope you recovered well and enjoyed your holidays despite a slow down. Happy New Year.

    Hey, I click them! I love them, I like reading them. I think they are great. Until, that is they try to take over my computer.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Thanks Val. Now I don’t have to google “who clicks on click ads”. You just saved me a whole day’s worth of research. 🙂 Recovery is on-going, but I did enjoy having family here for a few days to celebrate.

  6. Allan G. Smorra says:

    “When cold turkey meets cold duck”— I love that image. I have had the same experience as you with banner ads for the last month. Forget the closets, maybe we should start the new year by cleaning out the cookies from our Browser’s preference files.

    I hope that your recovery goes well and that you and LF have a wonderful 2015.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Yep, clean out the cookies. It’s a time honored tradition after a day of indulgent browsing. Your comments always bring me a smile. That’s kind of like the best medicine, isn’t it? 🙂

      1. Allan G. Smorra says:

        I hope so.

  7. Helen Ross says:

    Hi Honie. Hope everything went well with your surgery. Wishing you a happy and healthy 2015.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Thanks Helen. The surgery, I suppose went fine. I was asleep through the whole thing, but they tell me I was a real trooper.

  8. New Years …bah. Hope you’re resting and healing.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I agree. The title of this post could have just as easily been, 2015, I’m Over It Already. I am resting. And I’m sure that I am healing. At least I hope that is what’s happening. So far the new year has been a pendulum of discomfort to damn painful. Well, there’s always next year. HA, kidding…sort of.

  9. acflory says:

    Kelsie and Brad made me laugh out loud – can we see them again? And on a more serious note I hope everything went well post op. As for the extra virgin coconut oil – tastes great and you can even use it as moisturizer…. -smile-

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I love that you changed the spelling of Kelsie (ie) – I should have thought of that! You may see them again. I’m thinking I may try to write more in this style this year.
      I’ve cooked with coconut oil before, but hadn’t thought about using it as a moisturizer until I read how some people use it in combination with essential oils for self-care.

      1. acflory says:

        To be honest, I’ve only used coconut oil in cooking as well but there’s a moisturizer I buy, a rather expensive one that definitely has coconut oil in it – I can smell it! lol

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Sorry to hear you needed surgery. Hope everything went okay.

    I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. I sketch out some general goals, mostly to do with my writing, but that’s about it. I like to think any day of the year can be a day we might make changes for the better. Unfortunately, we oftentimes don’t. It’s so easy to stay in our comfort zones.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I’m with you Carrie, New Year’s resolutions are not for me either. I resolve every day, sometimes every hour, to do my best. Sometimes I fail big. Other times only slightly.
      As for the surgery, it took twice as long as it was supposed to and my husband was frantic by the time the doctor came out to talk to him. Hysterectomy may be common but it isn’t something a person goes through, you know, more than once. So, it is slow going right now. Staying in my comfort zone…for the moment.

      1. Carrie Rubin says:

        Scary for your husband, I’m sure. Hope your recovery goes smoothly. Especially since you probably have classes starting up again soon.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          I do. My practicum is this semester. I have a full plate waiting for me. I just hope my eyes weren’t bigger than my stomach. Oh, wait, nothing is bigger than my stomach right now. HA!

          1. Carrie Rubin says:

            Good luck with the practicum!

  11. Impower You says:

    Ha! I also am curious who the heck clicks on those ads. One things for sure, they aren’t the sharpest barb on the wire. Though I AM impressed that her eyes turned from brown to blue when she used that (super atomic?) wrinkle cream.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      You know, Leah, I had not noticed her eye color until you pointed it out. HA! Yeah, super atomic wrinkle cream that slaps you back into your twenties? They can keep it. I wouldn’t go back to those days for nothin’.

      1. Impower You says:

        Ha! I’d go back, but not for less than 1 million dollars cash and all my wisdom intact. 😉 Now my teen years on the other hand I wouldn’t go back for any amount. LOL!

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