pencil sharpener

“If I knew then what I know now…” Finish that statement any way you like. For me it has no meaning whatsoever because what I know now is that there is no knowing how to deal with any stage of life no matter how old I get. I swear if I don’t get some relief from this betrayal my body seems intent on committing, I will spontaneously combust. Each blink, every breath, any moment of the day or night I think I might explode from the pressure of my own pulse. I am uncomfortable in my own dry, itchy, prone-to-breakouts skin. I’m like some sort of pre-pubescent freak, except my hormones don’t rage like Storm Troopers, no, they crash and burn in true Kamikaze style. My biology threatens to destroy me.

I am exhausted. In fact, before I finish this post I may need a nap.

I have never taken on the mantle of victim. However, lately it seems everywhere I look there is an indoctrination into victimhood happening. I am irritated by, well, by a lot of things. Today it is the notion that each insecurity or knucklehead remark made by moronic frat boys is too challenging for the average college student to handle. Victim-building, the new GDP it seems, will have legions ready, willing, and able to play a role after graduation. Not me. I refuse to buy into it. Call me old-fashioned. Call me whatever you want.

It won’t bother me one bit.

Most of my classmates will look back on this year as a magical time of self-discovery, first love, first epiphany, first hangover. I, on the other hand, will remember it as the year I went through menopause. Seriously, WTF!

46 thoughts on “Old School

  1. At least we can commiserate!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I’ll drink to that! Some days it’s funny, others not so much. A sense of humor does make it slightly easier.

  2. John Coleman says:

    My wife feels your pain. Hot flashes especially. By morning, our bed covers are in a ball roughly the size of a goat. Peace and best, John

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Sorry to hear that, John. May your wife, and your bed covers, find some relief. Peace rightbackatcha.

  3. Menopause! Noooo!!! I guess it’ll be me next…

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I hear it’s catching. Although, probably not digitally transmitted. So maybe you’re safe.

      1. Ok but just in case, please don’t sneeze or anything while I’m visiting your blog ok?

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Ha! You have my word.

  4. amac says:

    I’d like to get off this ride myself but I guess we have to buckle up, eh? It totally and completely sucks it, big time. I love the Edith clips.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I guess it’s buckle up or buckle under. I say click it and stick the landing.

      1. amac says:

        Oh yea! You know it

  5. Getting older is not for the faint of heart, I have been what they call peri menopausal for years, i suspect this is because I was tipped over by surgery. I find my the combination of zits, grey hair and wrinkles to be fascinating; don’t you?

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Fascinating, that is one word for it.

  6. Lyle Krahn says:

    Aging isn’t for sissies! By the way, that pencil sharpener is the best old school photo.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      So true, Lyle. I plan to take it like a man. I know what you mean about the pencil sharpener.

      1. Lyle Krahn says:

        Best to take it better than that or you could be in trouble!!

  7. acflory says:

    Ungh, I know you don’t want advice but you’re going to get it anyway. 1) when you can’t endure it any longer don’t be a stoic – go get HRT. 2) when the worst of it has passed, wean yourself off the HRT with herbals – and do exercise of some sort to even out the mood swings. I don’t know why physical workouts help but they do. 3) Tell yourself daily that there is life after menopause. Eventually you will believe it. -huge hugs-

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      So, don’t be a hero is what you’re saying. Meeks, your kind advice is much appreciated. I’m on it. -hugs rightbackatcha-

      1. acflory says:

        Exactly. No one gives you cookies for courage, just bad jokes about hot flushes. Feel better any way you can!

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Cookies! Cookies, that’s it. Cookies make me feel better. 😉

          1. acflory says:

            lmao – not too many cookies!

  8. For a few seconds, I thought you had some horrible, incurable condition that would change the way your body functions and forever alter your life.

    Thankfully, it’s only menopause!


    1. Honie Briggs says:

      aging, more fatal than sky diving!

  9. Am I crazy to be willing it to begin? I would really like to get it over with!! Best of luck to you.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Crazy? That’s a term I reserve for people who text from behind the wheel of a moving vehicle or take nude selfies. So, no, wanting to get menopause over with isn’t crazy. Best of luck to you too. 😉

  10. Allan G. Smorra says:

    Good luck, Stephanie. I will be praying for LF.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      He will be so happy to hear that, Allan.

      1. Allan G. Smorra says:

        All kidding aside, Menopause is tough on you ladies. As we say down south—It ain’t purty but it’s doable.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          LOL. And as Archie Bunker says, “This change of life is a lousy thing. Men ain’t got no say in it at all.”

          1. Allan G. Smorra says:

            Funny. Thanks for the chuckle—I missed this one the first time around.

  11. I’m right behind you, Honie. I’m spending my days alternating between hot flashes and insomnia. And It’s strange how much more irritating everyone around me has suddenly become lately. It couldn’t possibly be ME, right?

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Not at all. You are awesome. And compassionate. And good-humored. And a snappy dresser. I say these things to myself over and over…it doesn’t always work. Very interesting about the insomnia as I was reading your post about blogging being dead around 1:30 this morning.

      1. You too? Yeah, I do my best “What the hell am I doing with my life?!” thinking between 1 and 3 am. With my head in the freezer. To combat the hot flashes. And inhale the last of the ice cream

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Wouldn’t want that ice cream to go bad.

  12. Carrie Rubin says:

    Look at it this way: at least you’re not married to Archie Bunker. 😉 I remember watching an episode as a girl where Edith goes through menopause. Her hubs was not too supportive as I recall…

    1. Carrie Rubin says:

      Ha! Go Edith! I love living in a world where you can track that down so easily. Thanks!

      1. Honie Briggs says:

        Best use of technology EVER.

  13. Wyrd Smythe says:

    You’re old-fashioned! (Must be why I like you.)

    “Victim-building, the new GDP it seems,…”

    Great line; totally agree. It comes from an era that values emotions way more than rational thought. If you feel insulted, that means the perceived insult must be real. And prevented, blocked, made illegal forthwith!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I find myself having to stifle it a lot during class. Archie Bunker in my head. How ironic is that?

      1. Wyrd Smythe says:

        It’s actually terrifying to me that, as I age, I find myself turning into the classic grumpy old man that thinks everything sucks. I can’t tell whether everything does, in fact, suck or if it’s all just me!

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Everything doesn’t suck. Repeat that over and over. Let me know if it helps.

          1. Wyrd Smythe says:

            Ah, that’s my problem. I don’t have a “n’t”…

            1. Honie Briggs says:

              Always happy to lend a contraction. Heaven knows I’ve got plenty to spare.

  14. This made me laugh, Honie. I’m on my way there. Still, when everything starts going haywire, there’s a certain freedom to not caring about stuff that you’ve been told you’re supposed to care about your whole life.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Freedom. Exactly. I only wish I could have experienced it sooner. Say, in my twenties. Ha!

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