Mail Order Husband

Copyright - Ted Strutz
Copyright – Ted Strutz

Maggie sat at the kitchen table after the funeral scanning the classifieds. Now that Peter was gone, how would she ever find someone to take his place?  The small fishing community had grown dependent on them. Just below an ad for soldiers of fortune, something piqued Maggie’s interest. She wrote to inquire about the cost.

The day arrived. Maggie waited anxiously at the dock. Passenger after passenger disembarked. Suddenly a man, badly bruised, missing one arm, approached her.

“You’re not what I expected.”

“Well lady, this is what you get from the scratch and dent list.”

“I ordered a dentist!”

*****

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62 thoughts on “Mail Order Husband

  1. Dear Honie: You are so funny! Love the ordering from the “scratch and dent list” – not the “dentist” list. Hilarious! I’ll smile all night on this! Thanks for the great laugh! Nan 🙂

    1. You are welcome, Nan. Always happy to provide someone with a laugh. I was thinking about changing this to FunnieBriggs.com, but not everything I write is humorous. So…

  2. Dear Honie,

    I loved your story. I was purchased from that list. (I think the word you want is ‘piqued’ not ‘peaked’. Perhaps that is auto-correct wreaking havoc with your spelling. I don’t know.)

    Aloha,

    Doug

    1. Ah the great homophone. The wrong ones won’t leave me alone. Like bad boys hot on the chase, trying to get in my face. You are correct. I failed to select the write word for the right place. Peek peak pique. Thanks!

  3. Dear Stephanie,

    Nothing makes me laugh like a good play on words and nothing makes me smile like good writing. You’ve accomplished both.

    I’d say that Maggie needs an ophthalmologist rather than a dentist. 😉

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    1. Dear Rochelle,

      I can’t imagine a word play for ophthalmologist. There is no telling what might have shown up if Maggie had tried to order one.

      Yours in wordiness,
      Honie

  4. Honie, Well written and very humorous. Either she needed glasses or it was a misprint. I wonder if she could sue the paper. I wonder how many women would take a chance and order from a “scratch and dent” list. Well done. 😀 —Susan

  5. This is very clever! I guess she should have read the fine print. It reminds me a little of a story I wrote called Body of Man about ordering the ideal man from an iPhone app. I can’t imagine ordering a husband. It seems so crass. 🙂

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