I’m Having A Crappy Week…And It’s Only Wednesday

I consider myself to be cool. I mean, as cool as any other forty-something suburban dweller. I’ve paid my dues and made my share of mistakes. I laugh at myself and know where to draw the line when it comes to what’s right, what’s wrong, and what’s just too twisted for color TV. It makes no difference to me a person’s status or situation. If a person can’t be honest, I’ve got no time for their non-sense.

Now.

People may have formed an opinion of me based on things I write. That’s fine with me. People may have formed an opinion of me based on things I’ve said. That’s fine too. Quite possibly, some people have no opinion of me whatsoever. And you know what? That doesn’t bother me one bit. What bothers me more than anything is the opinion I have of myself. My opinions can sometimes cause me more hassle than they are worth.

It makes perfect sense to me that I should speak my mind and make no apology for it. Except, sometimes I owe myself an apology for the mental boxing match that goes something like this:

Aren’t you something, not giving a rat sass what other people think!

What the hell did you say? Are you crazy?

Hey, I’m being honest and if people can’t deal with it, too damn bad!

You know, you should keep your mouth shut.

I don’t have to keep my mouth shut! I can say what I think just like everyone else.

No you can’t.

Yes I can.

No you can’t.

Yes I can.

Well, you get the picture.

Jumping through hoops is for dogs and ponies. I am neither. One thing that I am though is impatient. Another thing is direct. Patience may be a virtue, but assertiveness is not a vice. I cannot contend with up-tight, pretentious, two-faced, self-aggrandizing jerk faces.

This week’s struggle has been to convince myself that it doesn’t make me a bad person just because I call bullshit like I see it. I suppose it can be a bit off-putting to some. I don’t fall in line with most people’s way of thinking when it comes to saying what I think. Factors both genetic and environmental are responsible for that, but I take responsibility for what I think and say and do. Sometimes, it seems, I care too much. I’m passionate. Yeah! That’s what my loyal follower tells me to make me feel better. I love him for that.

I realize this is a purge post. I realize there are things going on in the world at large more important than my “issues”. So, even though it wasn’t my plan to wake at 2 a.m. and write until the venting lulled me back into a state of normal thought processes, this might have done the trick. We shall see.

Interested in reading this week’s flash fiction? Check out my Friday Fictioners page.

I’ll be seeing you. Thanks for listening.

 

51 thoughts on “I’m Having A Crappy Week…And It’s Only Wednesday

  1. You gotta call it like you see it – sorry you had a rough patch, I see though that things have been looking up. All of us need to just let it out from time to time. Good for you for being brave enough to do it here.

  2. This characteristic of yours may be one of the key reasons I relate to you so much. I have suffered from the consequence of being direct and blunt all my life. And I’ve had the same back and forth conversation in my head.

    It’s not a problem I’ve solved, so I have no advice. I have decided to try much more to be myself here at WP and let the pieces fall where they may. I’m usually very bad at “being liked” so I may as well just be myself anyway.

  3. I think there must be something in the air, something floating around. My BS meter is on high alert and my desire to call it is beating against the back of my teeth begging to be let loose.

    Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with letting loose, nothing wrong at all with being uninterested in what others think. I think you are marvelous, not that you care but I thought I would share.

  4. Oh sweetie. It does not make you a bad person to call bullshit. It makes you an honest and open human being, and one that I’m proud to call a friend. Rant on, sister!

    1. Oh Madame,
      Some people infuriate me to no end and I really should know better than to put myself in situations where no good can come from trying to talk sensibly to idiots.
      Thanks lady.

    1. “Being like everybody is the same as being nobody.” ― Rod Serling
      It is like the crossroads of The Twilight Zone and Stepford around here sometimes. Thanks.

  5. I find it hard to win a conversation with myself. How do you do on that front? As for calling it straight, that really depends on the particular subculture you deal with. The good news is you can be whatever you want depending on who you compare yourself to. Just thot I’d throw in some unhelpful information.

    1. Conversations with myself usually end in some sort of stale mate. There have been occasions when I get the better of me and then I just end up laughing at myself.
      Subculture – HA! I love that you said that. The subculture I deal with, that I have always seemed to deal with, doesn’t consider itself a subculture at all, but the dominant culture. Ego-maniacal gas bags in love with the sound of their own voices. Thanks for the comment.

  6. That self-opinion stuff can be brutal. I do it, too. I get that you are passionate. I think that’s a very good thing. Could you imagine what you would be like if your passion was gone? I’m a crier. Cry in church, cry over movies, cry at sad songs – way too emotional. It’s embarrassing. I actually wished I could quit crying once. I swear, it wasn’t too much longer and the crying disappeared. Nothing could make me cry. Nothing in church, not bad news, not movies – nothing. I realized the fire had gone out in me. I was sort of dead and didn’t give that rat sass about anything. It was kind of frightening, and I didn’t like the person I was becoming. It took quite a few months, but the tears eventually came back. I’ve never wished them to go away since, and I always wondered if that was some divine lesson taught to me. Just keep on being who you are, Honie. Someone has to be direct, assertive, passionate, and call others out on BS. Hope you enjoyed working in the garden today.

    1. Spontaneous water works can be embarrassing. Crying or the occasional loss of bladder control. Being a woman is a tough row to hoe, no doubt about it. As for being way too emotional though, what fuels male behavior but emotion? Testosterone for sure, but seriously I don’t know why we’ve decided as a society to deem the female response as “over emotional” and the male response as natural.
      Anyway, enough of that. I know the feeling you describe of no emotion at all. To think that apathy, or something far worse has stripped you of the ability to respond, to offer assistance, to care, you’re right, it is frightening.
      Thanks for the encouragement. There truly is no one else I’d rather be.

  7. Purge away Honie. I’ve never heard/read you say anything malicious or cruel, and those are the only two things I can’t handle. 🙂

    1. I am an A number one, first class founder of the bitch-of-the-month club, but I don’t have a cruel bone in my body. Well, if I made the laws, there might be a public castration amendment, but other than that…

  8. There has to be something in the air this week. I’m feeling so wound up (it’s been a hellish week for me all-around) I totally hear you, Honie. The older I get, the more I speak my mind and if people don’t like it, too bad. You keep on speaking your truth and you can’t go wrong.

    1. oh my god, Darla, I’m becoming Ouiser from Steel Magnolias. I can see it now, I’m wearing overalls with high tops and a fur coat! My grandchildren won’t call me Honie, they’ll call me ol’ sour mash! The neighbors will set fire to bags of dog shit and ring my doorbell. I’ll drive without a license until they lock me up. My son will come to bail me out, again, and yell, “This is the last time I want to get this call, Mom! Do I make myself clear?” all the way home. I’ll talk to myself and use my bra for a coffee filter and paint my eyebrows on with orange lipstick. They’ll come to clear out my belongings to go to Goodwill only to discover I’ve been hoarding cans of tuna, Reader’s Digests and steamy love letters written in pig latin under my bed.

      1. Haha!! Oh my god, this made me laugh! I love Ousier! She told it like it was. I love the scene when she and Olympia (can’t remember her character’s name) are grocery shopping and she’s throwing cans into the cart. Oh that movie kills me.

        1. Their lines are classic, aren’t they? I have a friend who calls me the stephanator and tells me she loves me more than her luggage. Oh, shit. I am Ouiser!

  9. I do the same thing. I’m passionate, too.
    I prefer people to take a stand than be all milktoast. I’m most passionate about getting to the truth, even if people don’t want to contemplate it because it doesn’t fit their understanding or opinion, or it’s not popular. My questions, or need to flip things around and turn them inside out, scares people. It confuses them and they often misinterpret my thought process. I’m also a softy. I can’t boldly go where others go and I accept that. I think sometimes we have to make peace with inner voice that pisses us off the most. Lol!

    1. Petty, ridiculous people set me off. I try to be pleasant, really I do, but my internal dialogue spills out sometimes. I just can’t help myself. Of course, I can’t decide what is more maddening, that I don’t seem to know what’s coming out of my mouth until it’s passed my elbow or that I waste time re-playing it in slow motion. GAAAAHHH!

  10. The fact that you’re troubled by whatever it was that set the frustration off goes to show you are a caring soul. If no one stood up to the “up-tight, pretentious, two-faced, self-aggrandizing jerk faces” this would be a scary world. In fact, in that regard, you’re like the protagonist in my current WIP. And that is a compliment. She makes things happen, and I adore her as a result, even if others see her as rocking the boat. Rock on, Honie!

  11. A good part of why things aren’t working in society these days it the lack of directness – use of non-offending phrases ( just in case- don’t want to upset anyone.) You constantly have to be wondering now what that statement really meant – what was the person really saying. Too much misrepresenting/spinning of information.
    Need to get back to honestly. Need to get back to respecting other people – and their ideas. Need to also get back to it’s fine to agree to disagree and still be friends.
    Le Clown ( as usual) is right.
    Now go hack some weeds and chop some dirt clods ( in place of human clods…less messy. Dirt washes off)

  12. Hi Honie. Being honest and true to yourself is important. I also can’t stand bullshit which is why I have always loved the honesty and passion in your posts. It is also good to vent every so often – helps to blow away the cobwebs, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Hope the week got better for you.

    1. Hi Helen. True, true and I appreciate that you said not to be too hard on myself. That is my main issue. I can’t do everything right all the time. Have a good week yourself.

    1. Hey Lady,
      Thanks! I just need to get this week behind me. I’m going to work in my friend’s garden today. That should help. These over-thinking storms don’t last long.

  13. I’m sorry you’re having such a crummy week. I hope your purging post helped you release some of your pent up feelings and that you will have a better rest of the week. (((HUGS)))

  14. Honie,
    Sometimes, a purge post is what the doctor prescribed. This being said, keep on being loud and opinionated. Calling bullshit should be taught in elementary school.
    Le Clown

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