Friday Fictioners On Wednesday

Although I enjoy reading her posts, I’ve not participated (officially) in Rochelle’s Friday Fictioners challenges. So, I thought this week I’d give it a try. Here is my 100 word story.

Eyeball
copyright – Jennifer Pendergast

The Grinch’s Eyeball

“I’m scared!”

The child shrieked as he clung to the woman’s leg, scooting along the marble floor, refusing to stand. Embarrassed, looking more than a little haggard, she kept her composure as onlookers glared. Across the courthouse lobby, like a sentry guarding her only escape from the dagger stares, stood a sign. The elevator was out of order. The woman reached down to lift the child, wishing she’d never taken that moonlight stroll down the garden path into the life she now desperately wanted to put behind her.

 “I’m scared too,” she whispered, and up they climbed into the eyeball.

61 thoughts on “Friday Fictioners On Wednesday

  1. Dear Honie,

    Let me join the throng in welcoming you to FF. I found your story to be comforting. Mothers and their children are often left to navigate alone (together) the rocks and shoals of life’s oceans. “I’m scared, too.” is an admission we all could do well to make to our children along the way. Your title was great and the entire piece was well written.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  2. I am so glad you joined the Looney Tunes crew. Well, actually it is called the Friday Fictioneers. Your story is one that I am sure more than one parent has known. Sometimes the consequences aren’t what is expected.

    1. Not weird at all. I think comforting is an accurate word to describe that closing line. Something comforting is implied. The woman, taking the scared child in her arms, acknowledges his fear and her own fear with a whisper. Her tender and yet bold act gives the impression that everything will be alright.
      Thank you for your comment.

  3. Of course the ‘eye’ is clear. This prompt held many possibilities. And the surveillance camera within the eye adds to the bleakness. I thought it was well written. Thanks for joining. Single mothers and children and courtrooms … bleak and scary stuff. A man as a judge, probably … better stop now or I’ll start a new story!

  4. Nice! I love the eyeball – perspective. I find that reading fictioners posts thwarts my natural need for closure – that same need that lead me to watch the entire Ken Burns Civil War series without a break even though I knew the outcome.

    1. LOL! Too funny Lorri. Yeah, even though the 100 words are supposed to encapsulate a beginning, middle, and end, I find there is always more to the story. (than meets the eyeball) HA!

      1. So true – I think it’s a great exercise though and some of them really hook me like this one. Of course I watched Lost for six seasons and that didn’t clear all my questions up either – were they dead on the island?

      1. Thanks for your comment. I think because she takes the child in her arms and whispers that she too is scared shows having the child isn’t a regret but her reason to choose to face her fear of what awaits in the courtroom…and beyond.

  5. You created plenty of suspense and tension while leaving it to the reader’s imagination as to why they were in the courthouse. divorce, murder trial, etc.???

  6. Yup, I very much like that last line, but I kept wanting to read it literally. Perhaps that’s just the horror writer in me. Heh. Pulling it back to the perspective of the child would indeed be a good way of clarifying that, if clarification is what you’re looking for. And welcome to the Fictioneers. I’m relatively new here, myself. 🙂

  7. Wecome to the world famous Fictioneers Honie! I loved the story. You can feel the woman’s fear as well as the boy’s. Well done with the ‘eye’.

  8. Dear Honie,
    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I’m happy you joined us and hope you’ll make a habit of it. 😉 More addictive than pistachios.
    Your story’s engaging and well written. Some days with small children can feel like horror stories. You’ve captured that. My sons are all grown now and I can look back on those Grinch days and laugh.
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    1. Rochelle,
      I appreciate the welcome and the heads up about the addictive nature of your challenges. I’ve watched from afar for far too long, but will only participate when I have something worth contributing. No forcing it here. Small children, oh the days (and nights)!! Mine too are adults, and you’re right, we can laugh about it now. But to be a woman in desperation with a small child…is no laughing matter. My mind went directly there the moment I looked at the picture. I don’t know why. It happens that way for me sometimes.

  9. Fantastic last line – anyone would be scared. I was only a little confused on the second when you use ‘she’, I thought you were still talking about the child because it was the child who has been refusing to stand at the end of the previous line, but a very minor point. A lovely story with a real sense of place.

  10. I agree with Moon — there’s much going on between the lines here. I like the name of your short and how the pic does indeed look like an eyeball. Why is she there? Is the child hers? Hmmm.

    1. Brigitte~~I think you know my writing well enough to make an accurate guess where this story is going.
      The first thing I thought when I saw the photo was…scary eyeball! HA!

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