Beginning Again

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Twenty-five years of professional experience and training enabled me to build a unique skill set within organizations both large and small. Being a parent has also provided opportunities to excel at training, entertaining and cleaning up messes both large and small. I achieved modest success while being mostly sleep deprived, and when my son went to college, I decided to devote my time to volunteering since his absence reduced the amount of working for free to which I’d become accustomed.

Community service, writing, oh yeah the writing, and classes keep me occupied these days. (and nights) This blog began as a way for me to work through my grief over the death of my dearest friend and as an outlet for the enormous task of marketing the book I wrote while caring for her in the final months of her life.

I am not a marketer. I am not a champion of social media. I am not now, nor have I ever been absolutely certain I am going about doing any of this correctly. Each day brings new challenges and some of the same old ones as well. My writing is improving. (IMHO) My purpose for blogging is evolving. My comfort level is increasing. Yesterday was a milestone of sorts for me personally. It was the first day in a long time I did not feel guilty. I didn’t feel guilty for living. I didn’t feel guilty for having high expectations or for choosing to do something good for myself. Yesterday was a guilt free day.

Yay! One in a row!

I am not a do-gooder. I am someone simply striving to do better. I have a long way to go. There have been times in my life when I’ve been consumed by anger. Mistrusting, harsh, resolved to see only what is because I thought what if was make-believe that offered nothing but disappointment. I know the full measure of being discouraged by circumstances out of my control, unexpected changes, even because of my own choices.

Disappointed? Discouraged? Depressed? Know this…

Start where you are. It’s a new day! 

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30 thoughts on “Beginning Again

  1. Great post. The photos were really amazing and tied so beautifully into starting where you are or as I am constantly trying to remind myself – live in the present (as though there real options). Guilt free is good.

    1. Thank you Lyle. The first photo is from my book trailer. I’ve used it several times here. The second was taken during the Colorado wildfires last year. The smoke in the sky made terrific clouds and when that sun broke through, well, you can see.

  2. Honie, guilt free days are a gift and one we are often terribly afraid to open. Afraid if we breath the air without the burden of self-imposed guilt it is betrayal. It isn’t you know, truthfully, that guilt we impose not for acts we have done but rather for simply surviving terrible loss; that guilt is simply our pain. The guilt is how we express our anger at our being alone in our survival, it is honestly our guilt at being angry at the one who left us.

    I am going to wish for you many guilt free days. I know they will come slowly, they always do. It is so hard to let go of all the mixed feelings of hurt, pain, alone and yes anger. You are doing amazing things though. Your blog is great, your book is great (I know I read it and reviewed it).

    It does get better!

  3. Hi Honie. This is a beautiful post. I have a lot more to say but am a little choked up at the moment, so will keep this fairly short. Reading about Michael Buble has brought up a lot of feelings. He was my sister’s favourite (and mine) and she had his CD playing all the time in her beautiful French inspired gift shop. So naturally I played some of his songs at her funeral. It is very hard to carry on when we have lost someone dear to us. A lot of my motivation seems to have blown away. But we have to be gentle on ourselves. Treat yourself Honie. We all deserve to look after ourselves. As far as book marketing goes, don’t try to do too much at once – just a little at a time. Try to make it fun. Sorry, I have to finish here as my iPad is all wet with my tears.

    1. Oh Helen. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thank you for the advice. A little at a time, yes, that can be said for processing grief too. Please know I wish you joy, peace and healing as you remember your sister’s life and the love you shared.

  4. Never feel guilty for doing something that benefits you!

    Unless it’s robbing a bank. Or lying. Or cheating. Or stealing. Or a thousand other acts demonstrating moral depravity.

    Otherwise…never feel guilty for doing something that benefits you!

  5. “I am someone simply striving to do better.” Honie, you aren’t “simply” at all. Terribly brave, willing to struggle despite the uphill climb, and a light in the window saying “if I can, you can.”
    You couldn’t have selected better pictures. (great shots)
    (I keep losing you on my reader/notifications – so clicking that follow button, again – but adding to google reader just in case)

    1. Maybe not so much brave as stubborn. I do believe if I can do something, anyone can and it frustrates me when people won’t even try. Thanks! Your comments mean a great deal to me.

  6. Guilt-free days–if only we allowed ourselves more. Like you, I’m not a born marketer, and I’m tiring of the process, because I feel like it’s never good enough. And then I feel guilty that I’m not doing more. But thanks to you, maybe I’ll let up on myself a bit. At least for a day…

    1. Oh, the process…I remarked in a post about failure that I couldn’t remember at what point my best efforts began to seem to so regularly fall short of achieving results that were good enough. It’s true, I don’t know how that happened, but I intend to correct it…someday. 🙂

  7. Michael Buble is singing Feeling Good, and I’m looking at a beautiful sunrise. You sure do know how to entertain your guests, Honie. I haven’t been with you long enough to know that you have felt like this, but I am happy to hear you had a guilt-free day, and I wish you many more. I have only mentioned it, or alluded to it, a few times, but I was in a period of intense anger and hatred. Every day I was consumed by this hatred. I was as much upset by the fact that it consumed me as much as I was angry. Mercifully, I woke up one day and it was gone. I could feel it was gone. It was a new day. Within two weeks I started writing. That was a year ago. The new day really was a new day. It’s been a fun roller coaster ride of ups and downs, but as Michael Buble just sang, “I’m feelin’ good.” Thanks for a good post and a good reminder for me.

    1. I LOVE Michael Bublé. My loyal follower and I saw him in Denver. He is one tall drink of awesome. This song is on my morning walk playlist. It puts a spring in my step each time I hear it. Glad to hear you too are feeling good. Thanks Maddie.

    1. Me too. I like to give myself a chance to make a fresh start two or three times a week. Sometimes it’s Mulligan Monday, but when that’s a bust, I skip straight to Do Over Tuesday. After a Wiped Out Wednesday, there’s nothing better than a Turn Around Thursday to get you through to a Fuggetaboutit Friday. (weekends are a wash)

  8. Honie, I can so relate to each and every word of this post. I’m there and it is a new dawn and a new day. You and I are alike in so many ways…

    Here’s to more and more and more of guilt-free days…

    Be well, friend. xo

  9. Yes, one day at a time. That’s all we can ask for. At least that’s all I can ask for. That’s all I can do. One day at a time. That’s all I can get through. That’s been my therapist’s advice and I’ve taken it and it’s been good advice. Especially when I’ve done something dumb and think the ramifications will continue forever. No, only one day at a time.

    1. M~that is good advice. Advice that’s challenging for people who try to anticipate what’s next, people who are ever on the look out for the other shoe to drop. Not control freaks, necessarily…realists, yeah, that sounds better. Re-al-ists n. 1.Sufferer of pragmatism run amok. 2.Person experienced enough to avoid getting stuck in the muck. HA!

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