Instead of breaking into another “we are so screwed” soliloquy and agonizing over the fate of the human race, how about today we have some fun called:

You Just Won The Lottery! What Are You Gonna Do Now?

Okay, before my inbox gets filled with sob stories asking for a little cash to get you through just until your six-figure book deal for Doping Days: Riding Like The Wind comes through, or you hear back from the producers of Shark Tank about your idea for printable clothing, or your court date for impersonating a Kardashian – I did NOT win the lottery.

Sometimes, when we have exhausted every other form of entertainment, or the internet is down, we like to play “what would we do if we won the lottery.” This is the kind of fun our parents had back in the olden days when people sat on the front porch swing looking through the Sears and Roebuck Wish Book imagining what they would buy if they were the Rockefellers.

Lottery tickets don’t make our list of “must haves” on payday. So, it’s unlikely that we will ever win, but it’s fun to think about what we would do with enough to buy Congress Mega Millions. Even one million is enough to set our imaginations on fire. Of course, a million doesn’t go as far as it used to, but after taxes, I suppose we could do something responsible with part of it. After we throw one heluva hootenanny, of course.

According to an ABC News report about how lottery winners spend their money, a psychology professor hired by the Virginia Lottery to counsel lottery winners says winners who go on to lead successful lives are those who had well-defined goals, plans and ambitions long before they ever bought a ticket. They view money not as a plaything to be frittered away, but as a tool with which to gain some practical end. The more specific their ambition, the better.

So here’s your chance. Share your well-defined goals. Don’t end up broke, drunk, in jail and hounded by the IRS because, like me, you chose the “spend until there isn’t even bail money left” plan. You might be thinking, what about charity? Well sure, that’s one way to go. If I win, I will make a sizable donation in your name to the charity of your choice. Which is your favorite? Can’t decide? Take a look at the No Used Crap/Cash Only list of charities and get back to me, but hurry, this offer is for a limited time only.

As for leaving something for the kids, I like the use it or lose it approach. The whole inheritance thing would be such a hassle for them, and the last thing we would ever want for those who taught us everything we know is a hassle. So, I’m thinking we should share our winnings while we are still around to enjoy it with them. Maybe a family night out at Benihana and a nice set of snow tires.  They would appreciate that, right?

You can probably see why this game is so much fun. So, what do ya say? Wanna play? What would you do if you won the lottery?

Rush Big Money 

36 thoughts on “For Entertainment Purposes Only

  1. This is so simple! I have always had a plan just not the cash.
    I would go back to school for my Ph.D (with cash)
    I would pay off all mortgages for me and my kids
    I would buy land and build a school on it for k-12, specifically for at risk kids and build in funding. We would teach real subjects, no schlock. Students would be able to live on the grounds if necessary. We would have adult learning centers if the parents needed help. We would teach pre-college and trade. I would work with local business to get both funding for students and apprenticeships. I would work with Universities to get my kids scholarships upon graduation. Sports would be limited to physical education!

    Each class would select a charity / good works to give back to every year.
    School would be year round.
    We would have stables.

    I would travel every year.
    I would buy a retreat in the Bahamas.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Valentine, you win! That’s the most ambitious plan, ever.

  2. I’d go and live in France for six months in a place where they’re kind to animals, no force feeding geese, etc etc damn – are there any? OK I’d go and live in Spain for six months in a place where they’re kind to animals… no more bullfights, strangling greyhounds etc etc…no, it’d better be Italy… but…oh damn…
    Ok I give in. I’ll give all the money to WSPA to rescue all dancing bears, all bears in cages having bile sucked from their gall bladders, – in fact rescue All animals in China – and pay someone to stop live bear baiting in Carolina… I think that wraps it up…unless I win the lottery again…

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Valerie, it sounds like you and Madame Weebles could put that lottery money to good use if you pooled it and opened a couple of giant sanctuaries for giant animals.

  3. fransiweinstein says:

    I’m boring. I’d give some to charity, some to my best friend and family and I’d invest the rest and live off the interest. i would make no damatic changes to my life.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Oh come on Fransi, I bet you could party like it’s 1999! Tip: Don’t invest in Facebook. HA! You have a very lucky best friend.

      1. fransiweinstein says:

        Oh I could definitely party! With or without the lottery :). As for my best friend, I’m as lucky as she is.

  4. SocietyRed says:

    This is an easy one Honie,
    First I would keep quiet about it and say all the things I’ve wanted to say to the people I work with. Then, I would take a road trip and visit all the amazing people I’ve met in blogland. Then, I would move to Maui and the place where I lived would be large enough to house all of those amazing blogfriends. We would sit on the beach and actually talk face-to-face, eat pineapples, go swimming, then talk some more.
    You in?

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Oh, yes, count me in Red. Count me in!

  5. Brigitte says:

    Charity. My parents and family then we would buy two homes – one for summer and one for winter and tony digs in Manhattan. Then we’d charter a plane and stay in France and Italy for awhile and on the way home stop and buy several dogs.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      You’ll need a staff. I’ll serve drinks and give you compliments. Dog grooming costs extra.

      1. Brigitte says:

        I’ll have my people call your people.

  6. artsifrtsy says:

    Of course, paying off all my debt, all my family’s debt, maybe even my neighbors debt – that would be first. Then I think I would sponsor a village full of Compassion kids and take a trip to meet them – probably a village in Peru since I already have one there. Next I would splurge on the best bird lens money could buy – of course it wouldn’t fit my camera, so I guess that would necessitate the move to a Nikon or Canon (ok – not a Canon – not even for a million dollars). Beyond that I don’t need much – maybe I would spring for those custom fonts WordPress keeps talking about…fun game.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      You my friend, are a woman with her ducks in a row! Those custom fonts, yes, definitely. L O Ling like crazy.

      1. artsifrtsy says:

        I know if I had better fonts that I would get more followers – I know it’s the very thing keeping new visitors from clicking that follow button – maybe if I invested a cool million into customizing. Heck, maybe I could just buy some followers. I wonder what that would cost?

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Bots are a dime a dozen, human followers cost $25, of course you can upgrade to followers who also comment for the low low price of $50.

          1. artsifrtsy says:

            That seems fair enough. I may need rethink things, perhaps I should cut back on the orphans and really invest in my blog, after all – isn’t that what life is all about?

  7. Allan G. Smorra says:

    The beautiful thing about the Lottery is that you have an equal chance of winning whether you buy a ticket or not.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      HA! Allan you are a wise, wise man!

      1. Allan G. Smorra says:

        Thanks, most people think I’m a wise ass.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Hey, us wise asses have to stick together!

          1. Allan G. Smorra says:

            You’ve got it!

  8. Wyrd Smythe says:

    Remind me what’s wrong with the broke, drunk, jailed plan?

    Seriously, though, it’s a hard question for me to answer. I tend to view love of money as a pretty big evil, so I don’t often imagine having any. When I lived and worked in Hollyweird, I rubbed shoulders with the wealthy (which they found very annoying), and one thing I noticed over and over is that when you have money, you seem to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about said money. Even those people with so much money they can hire small armies to do most of their worrying still manage to worry and think about it a great deal.

    Screw that.

    So I think my answer would be that I’d try to divest myself of the money as fast and effectively as possible. Maybe something to do with education. Or I could lobby for a new law to make it legal to hunt people who use cell phones while driving.

    And I have this great idea for an ad-free, online encyclopedia….

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Exactly. Don’t love it. Spend it. Spend it all. Spend it fast. BUT, there’s always a but, Spend it wisely.

      1. Wyrd Smythe says:

        Are you suggesting it’s wise to spend it on our butts?

        Now, do you mean spend it while sitting on them, or do we directly apply the money, or just spend it on something our butts would really like?

        (All kidding aside, the more I think of it, the more I think I’d try to find some way to get the most mileage out of it on education. No clue what that might be, though.)

  9. I’ve always said that if I won the lottery I’d open up a giant animal sanctuary. Or several giant animal sanctuaries. And I’d want a great apartment in Manhattan. Aside from that, I don’t really have any particular needs/desires besides giving to friends/family/charities. And thanks for the most excellent musical accompaniment….

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      I have this idea for printable clothing…
      The Big Money was just for you Madame, nobody else.

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    I would offer $5 million to Donald Trump’s favorite charity if he’d promise to quit talking.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      That’s Awesome! I would throw in another 5 million. How much do you think we could raise?

      1. Carrie Rubin says:

        Maybe enough that we could get him to agree to get rid of the hair mop, too.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Just our luck there’s a hair club for men charity. There go our winnings – spray on hair for everyone!

  11. I think I’d very publicly hand it off to charity. A lottery winner just ended up dead from cyanide poisoning. My family might be a little too cutthroat. I’d have to sleep with one eye open.,0,7022108.story

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Better safe than six feet under!

  12. mairedubhtx says:

    I’d pay off my debts and pay off my daughter’s mortgage for her and buy a condo and a new car. I’d give money to charity. Three come to mind: CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocates for children) and Children International and Doctors Without Borders. The rest I would Invest and live off the interest. I could pay for my granddaughters’ college educations. At least they wouldn’t have to worry about that or their weddings if they choose to have one. I could travel. That would be nice. I could go to see my family back East whenever I wanted and my Native American family in New Mexico, too. Those are relatively small things I could do if I won the lottery, but I’d have to play to win, and my religion doesn’t condone gambling. Quel dommage!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      A shame indeed! You’ve obviously given that sinful behavior a lot of thought. I love that you would give to CASA. I have two friends who are advocates. Very nice list!

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