November 16, 2012

You heard it here first folks. Okay maybe you’ve heard it somewhere else already, but it’s true, 18,500 employees of the Irving, Texas-based maker of those nostalgic treats you loved as a kid have unionized themselves right out of a job; out of our lunch boxes and into bankruptcy court, leaving after school snackers to wonder what to do in a world without Ho Hos, abandoning citizens in states with legalized marijuana to ward off the munchies without Ding Dongs and sumptuous coconut covered Sno balls, forsaking perpetrators of fraud, theft, assault and battery who will no longer have the Twinkie defense on their side.

“it’s a crying shame,” says one researcher whose job it is to track the biodegradability of the beloved snack cakes.

“now every time I make a sack lunch I’ll die a little inside,” claims mom in the Metroplex.

“today the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union brings us one step closer to winning the ‘war on obesity’,” reports some stupid ass.

Wait, What? This is more than I can bear. First we lose our sock manufacturing, now this? What is happening to our country? Are we going to start importing snack cakes? This is total BS! Bloggers Unite! Save the Snack Cakes. Fight against….oh what the King’s Speech!

23 thoughts on “No More Ho Hos

  1. What the hell are they thinking…. legalizing m.J., while ousting Twinkie and the gang… is there no common sense anymore? Never mind to that… I already know the answer. Seriously, it’s all in moderation. I ate those delish treats day in and day out, but I also ran around playing outside like children use to do, maybe that’s why they never affected my weight. Also, very fond memories of driving around in a desperate state, with my husband, trying to find those ever-so-yummy fruit-filled pies, while pregnant with the oldest. Geez… this is the beginning of the end, I say!!!!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world. 🙂

  2. I know that any day now, they are going to track this back to Little Debbie and it is going to make the whole Petraeus thingie seem like a Taylor Swift song. Seriously. I always sensed that Debbie was… well… never mind.

    PS: Not that there is anything wrong with Taylor Swift

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Hilarious! I had not considered this might be a snack cake takeover situation. god thanks for bringing this to my attention. I have to give that angle some thought!!

    2. Honie Briggs says:

      btw…don’t think I didn’t notice your covert action to sneak a link to your blog in there. Way to promo your blog. Funny comment though!!

      1. No!! So sorry, please please delete that. It wasn’t an attempt to promote my blog at all, but an explanation for the Taylor Swift comment. Please remove, please!!!

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          Hilarious, no way it’s staying!!! Read my comments, NO APOLOGIES NECESSARY EVER!! 🙂 Laugh, smile, take a breath. I love you!!!

  3. SimplySage says:

    I know one thing. I’m not buying any Twinkies made in China. No way.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Maybe you already have and you just don’t know it yet. bwaaaahhhhaaa Creepy, I know, to think of cream filling injected into yellow, spongy cakes and then finding out it’s not really cream….or cake, but the foam residue of sneaker insoles from a Nike factory filled with melted down plastic tips of the shoelaces! 🙂

      1. SimplySage says:

        You get my point exactly!

  4. So long as there are warehouses around the world full of twinkles, we at least know that they won’t go bad.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Yeah, but can you imagine the headline:
      Survivalist Found Dead In Warehouse Filled With Empty Twinkie Boxes

  5. That company was run into the ground by poor management and it irritates the hell out of me that they lay it all at the baker union’s doorstep. They filed for bankruptcy for a 2nd time in less than 5 years and their new private equity backers loaded the company with debt. Throw in some CEO turnover, $2.55 million compensation package for the 2nd to last executive and the fact that the other unions they dealt with took massive cuts. They deserve to be done. I feel badly for the employees that have to find new work, but this company was in trouble long before this decision.

    Sorry, I believe that was my quota for a mini-rant of the day. I used to like Ho-Hos, but my ass informed me that I needed to like spinach instead. It was a very sad tradeoff.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Once private equity bankers get involved it’s just a matter of time before a good business goes bad.
      Spinach vs. Ho Hos – not a fair fight, is it?

  6. I just want to know how the unholy union of Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers came to be.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Alcohol and firearms didn’t show up for the first round of talks. Of course if they had, it would have been called the rootin’ tootin’ smoked sugar and fire water breakfast club. Local 357! I swear when I lived in Winston-Salem, NC the aroma of cherry tobacco and Krispy Kreme doughnuts wafted through the air every morning.

      1. You should bottle that scent, cherry tobacco and Krispy Kreme doughnut perfume and I am sure I could bag me a cowboy man!

  7. artsifrtsy says:

    I heard about this earlier today – made me wax nostalgic and head to the vending machines for some Zingers. The sugar high did not last nearly as long as the preservatives in that creme filling.

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Zingers, YES! holy sugar rush batman!! It’s the end of an era. How will we survive?

      1. artsifrtsy says:

        I have no idea – I only hope the supply lasts long enough for me to complete my NaNoWriMo.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          There probably won’t be any left on the shelves by Monday. You better put them on your shopping list!

          1. artsifrtsy says:

            I must get at least a 2 pack. My mom used to put them in the freezer so that the creme was more like plastic ice cream.

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