The Drug Mule


Be Prepared. That’s the slogan around our house. We’re on the ready with pantry staples, bottled water, fresh batteries. Never to be caught off guard in the event of an emergency that prevents us from making it the 7.3 miles in any direction to a store that carries life’s little necessities. You know, peanut butter, saltine crackers, toothpaste, maxi pads.

One product that my husband uses to battle chronic sinus problems is Claritin D. For the benefit of those who don’t use drugs, I’ll give you a run down. Purchases of Claritin D are closely tracked and heavily regulated so that no more than a thirty-day supply can be purchased. Consumers must show ID to a cashier, who then double checks the super-duper drug data network. You know, the one responsible for winning the war on drugs in America. It’s great to know that we’re protected from smurfing blister pack gangsters.

I don’t know why trips to the pharmacy can’t ever coincide with that time of the month when there is no Claritin D left in my husband’s stash. His attempts to be prepared and purchase another fifteen day’s worth are thwarted by those ever vigilant drug trafficking trackers at the WalMart. Drat!!$#@

He waits in line behind every single person who absolutely must speak with the pharmacist and then when it’s finally his turn and the cashier has done her due diligence, she gives him that disapproving look and says, “Um it looks like you still have a two-day supply. You’ve already purchased thirty day’s worth in the past thirty days. That means you could possibly have thirty-two pills and I can’t let you buy more.”

He walks over, knowing I don’t have my purse with me and says, “You don’t have your purse, do you? You’ll pick some up for me when you’re out tomorrow, won’t you?”

Oh the question I long to hear. All I want to do is get out of there before I have an aneurism. There’s no place I loath to go more than WalMart. Why did I go? Because we shop together every year for items on the Children’s Advocacy Center wish list. It’s tradition. I wish there was somewhere else we could purchase stuff we use, stuff everyone uses. Yeah I know, there’s Target, but really other than having a Starbucks in the front of the store, and their oh-so-festive holiday commercials, what’s the difference?

So I say, “Sure, make me your drug mule.”

It’s a joke of course, but this is a prime example of how we are kidding ourselves that our leaders give a damn about solving problems. The pathetic excuse for information sharing between government agencies coupled with willing ignorance is no joke. People in law enforcement, people working in rehab centers, friends and family of people with drug addictions will tell you, for the vast majority, it’s a vicious cycle. Lives destroyed, property damaged, children abandoned, these are real issues. Playing politics while communities struggle to deal with them is irresponsible. Faking doing something about it is criminal.

18 thoughts on “The Drug Mule

  1. Ah, yes…another example of how regulations (read, restrictions to honest citizens) only hinder the innocent. Real criminals always find a way past the 30 day purchase window. I too, was once a drug mule. Having been in charge of medical supplies in a rehab hospital and having to occasionally go out and get drugs for new admissions. Only once did I have to have someone else (a nurse) get the drugs because it had been less than 30 days since my last purchase. Yeah, that was fun! (Not!).

  2. Great post, Honie. I think it’s been well-established that the only thing that the “war on drugs” has done is create a thriving prison industry. I wonder when we’ll get off this ride.

    1. We will probably be on this ride long enough to see the following headline:
      Wall Street Rallies As Investors Discover Secondary Market For Prison Futures Beats Buying and Selling Home Mortage Debt

  3. First of all – I believe I am allergic to Walmart. I need some kind of drug just to get through a trip to that zoo. Seriously, it’s so silly regulating this when it’s clear the cookers are more sophisticated than allergy sufferers. What a waste of time and money. Zero effect on the war on drugs.

              1. I did not know that. Your secret’s safe with me. We actually have a DEA agent who lives in our neighborhood. One of our other neighbors was bitten by a snake while walking her dog earlier this year. She was in the hospital for a couple of days. It was dusk and she stepped on the snake, it also bit her dog. The dog didn’t make it. 😦

              2. Wow – was it a rattler? I have a dog who is a snake hunter. We have lots of harmless snakes here, but there are also copperheads and pygmie rattlers. The dogs have been bitten by both. All have made it through. The pygmies make them very sick, the copperhead bites are treatable with benadryl and baby aspirin. My hunter is a terrier and has been bitten about 9-10 times. He mananged to kill 10 this year with no bites – I’m so proud.

              3. I have a neighbor who was bitten by one last year – very painful. Kirby’s first encounter with one got him bitten in the tongue and that was quite scary because his airway was swelling shut. Benadryl saved him. He and the rat terrier are cohorts. They keep the lawn snake free.

  4. Yup. I feel that way every time I want to get antihistamines too. You can probably buy firearms with less fuss than you can buy Allegra-D. It’s all window-dressing. It looks like they’re doing *something*, but it does nothing except annoy the people who *aren’t* cooking crystal meth. Same thing with how the TSA frisks grandmothers and breaks apart people’s asthma inhalers, which does nothing to make the skies safer. It just pisses people off.

    1. Absolutely! We know how to dress some windows here in the land of the free baby. And the TSA – I have a whole arsenal on that subject. GAAAAHHHH it’s Monday, isn’t it? The thing is, people who are cooking meth aren’t showing their ID to the DEA cashier at the freakin’ pharmacy!

    1. Exactly Home Fab. I’m gonna call you Home Fab from now on, okay? It matters not one bit. Just like other anemic efforts (pissing contests) between regulators and corporations, the public’s apathy compounds the problem for us law abiding types. We accept low standards out of guilt that there are worse situations in the world at large. It’s a puzzle for sure. Not one that any of us can solve alone and certainly none of the bitching I could do, and believe me I can do some bitching, will make a dent in fixing the problems. BUT, there’s always a but, we do what we can in the small areas where can make a difference and keep hoping the large and in charge will wise up.

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