Message From Woman@IDon’tNeedViagra.COM

If I am ever in the market for a sure-fire cure for lackluster performance, there will be no excuse for not addressing the matter immediately. Likewise, I could be rich beyond my wildest dreams if only I could see my way to helping the surprisingly large number of disenfranchised potentates, whose portfolios are in limbo because of a minor “misunderstanding.”

Solicitation emails are fun, aren’t they? Actually they’re a bit like having your yard TP’d and your house egged and your car shit on by a flock of lactose intolerant vultures that dined on the carcass of an armadillo behind the Dairy Queen. All in one night.

I could rant about it, but really, who hasn’t had it up to here (raising my hand WAY above my head now) with Viagra, Cialis, Levitra cocktail recipes and bequests of unimaginable wealth for only a small, one-time investment? By all accounts, there is nothing exceptional about me to warrant such offers. The same experiences, emotions, alcohol induced impairments, lapses in sound judgment, occasional bouts of indigestion, perspiration, congestion, extra-terrestrial encounters everyone encounters at some point in their life plague me from time to time.

In other words, what the hell did I ever say that even remotely suggested I have a dysfunctional penis, money to throw at ludicrous schemes or bald spots?

I was contributing to another blog for a while and it did become a little dysfunctional. You know, in the same way lottery scratch-offs and peach schnapps made Uncle Bob and Aunt Verna dysfu…

Anyway, I’m sharing here a post recycled from that other blog because somewhere in the world there may be a spammer without enough posts on their plate from which to mine data. I can’t let this one go to waste, now can I? It’s got some hardcore HTML. So, consider yourself forewarned. Feel free to BETA test it and share your results.


Why hasn’t someone come up with a way to fix the shit we need to have fixed? We’ve got all these laws and we still need people to make more laws, really? I think I have a handle on what’s best for my body, my family and my life. No law has been created yet that can stop people who want to be deadbeats, jerks, buttholes or murderous psychopaths. We don’t need more laws; we need some kind of damn spam zapper, and none of that three strikes shit either. We need a one and done super-sonic laser-pingback that fires a shit storm at spammers so they never ever do it again. That’s what we really need.

I’m not sure how to implement it, but I bet there’s an over-educated, over-sexed, hot-shot wise-ass out there who can do it. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far. HTML looks something like this:

What do ya think? Am I on the right track or should I go to ITT tech for a few semesters?


(It isn’t real HTML, just in case you didn’t know.)

*Post recycled in the interest of sustainable blogging from

4 thoughts on “Message From Woman@IDon’tNeedViagra.COM

  1. I’ve been on the internet since the 80s, so I get a lot of spam (several hundred a day). Fortunately the filters block nearly all of it. Now I’m dealing with the spam that comes from blogging. WordPress does a pretty good job there, too, I must say. Still, it is annoying. In my anti-spam blog rant, I suggested that sending in SEAL teams might be the answer. And heads displayed on pikes.

  2. The spam doesn’t bother me so much as the constant calls from Canadian pharmacies. Somehow they have gotten hold of my number and I am constantly hanging up on them, although once I decided to have a little fun and asked for a “truckload” of Viagra, as many cases as they could spare. Then when it came time to collect my credit card information, I said my VISA number was “7.”

    Suffice it to say, they were not amused. But I was!

    1. Me, too! Waste their time as they waste yours. I used to tell them, “This is interesting, let me go get a pen and paper.” Then I’d set the phone down and go do something else. Lately, the Do Not Call list seems to have worked wonders. Now it’s just charities and political causes.

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