Honie Briggs

Ladies, hear me out on this. The Expendables 2 may be the best film ever to give us an example of what to do when we are caught in hostile territory with the odds stacked against us. You know, in the off-chance that it ever happens to women…this is ground breaking stuff here.

The highest caliber of has-beens ever assembled has teamed up on the big screen to show us how it’s done, and we should be grateful. Grateful I say! They are not embarrassed by the fact that their careers have washed up on some desperate shore, but instead they were willing, dare I say eager, to combine their arsenal of testosterone and share the gift of their extraordinarily bloated, ego maniacal sense of self-worth. The creation of this star-studded, action-packed exercise to placate the fragile male ego is a lesson in self-worth, really. A lesson for which we could shell out our hard-earned money on tickets, a bladder buster beverage and a big bucket of buttery popcorn for ourselves and a BFF. We could sit back and take it all in until we’re ready to puke! Or we could just live our lives, go about our business doing all of the things we have always done.

For all the possibility a man with half a brain has in this world, what a waste it is to be satisfied with becoming a pathetic caricature. No, not every man can be a statesman, but every man should be encouraged to try. I suppose we can hope that eventually they will tire of pissing contests that run business, states and countries into the ground. Oh, and blowing stuff up.

I’d ask if our expectations could get any lower, but I’m not sure I want to know the answer. A better question might be, why should I care about the resources that were squandered to make this movie? They weren’t my resources. As long as there are people who will squander their money to see it, what can be done about it anyway?  What does it matter if people want to make a movie that glorifies violence AND makes a joke of it? It doesn’t affect me, does it?

See, this movie is thought provoking, just like a chick flick should be. Chick flicks are good for teaching us lessons. I remember in Die Hard 2 when Bruce Willis rolls onto the tarmac and uses a Zippo to light a stream of jet fuel, and the flame follows the stream up through the air, engulfing the airplane in a ball of fire. That my friends, was the moment I learned I was on a date with an idiot. I said, “That could never happen,” and he said, “How do you know?” (We did not have a second date.)

The Expendables 2 is loaded with raging hormones. It not only provokes us to examine our feelings, but also demands that we question the meaning behind the actions of its characters, and in turn, question our own actions. Yeah, this is a chick flick if there ever was one!