Ladies, hear me out on this. The Expendables 2 may be the best film ever to give us an example of what to do when we are caught in hostile territory with the odds stacked against us. You know, in the off-chance that it ever happens to women…this is ground breaking stuff here.

The highest caliber of has-beens ever assembled has teamed up on the big screen to show us how it’s done, and we should be grateful. Grateful I say! They are not embarrassed by the fact that their careers have washed up on some desperate shore, but instead they were willing, dare I say eager, to combine their arsenal of testosterone and share the gift of their extraordinarily bloated, ego maniacal sense of self-worth. The creation of this star-studded, action-packed exercise to placate the fragile male ego is a lesson in self-worth, really. A lesson for which we could shell out our hard-earned money on tickets, a bladder buster beverage and a big bucket of buttery popcorn for ourselves and a BFF. We could sit back and take it all in until we’re ready to puke! Or we could just live our lives, go about our business doing all of the things we have always done.

For all the possibility a man with half a brain has in this world, what a waste it is to be satisfied with becoming a pathetic caricature. No, not every man can be a statesman, but every man should be encouraged to try. I suppose we can hope that eventually they will tire of pissing contests that run business, states and countries into the ground. Oh, and blowing stuff up.

I’d ask if our expectations could get any lower, but I’m not sure I want to know the answer. A better question might be, why should I care about the resources that were squandered to make this movie? They weren’t my resources. As long as there are people who will squander their money to see it, what can be done about it anyway?  What does it matter if people want to make a movie that glorifies violence AND makes a joke of it? It doesn’t affect me, does it?

See, this movie is thought provoking, just like a chick flick should be. Chick flicks are good for teaching us lessons. I remember in Die Hard 2 when Bruce Willis rolls onto the tarmac and uses a Zippo to light a stream of jet fuel, and the flame follows the stream up through the air, engulfing the airplane in a ball of fire. That my friends, was the moment I learned I was on a date with an idiot. I said, “That could never happen,” and he said, “How do you know?” (We did not have a second date.)

The Expendables 2 is loaded with raging hormones. It not only provokes us to examine our feelings, but also demands that we question the meaning behind the actions of its characters, and in turn, question our own actions. Yeah, this is a chick flick if there ever was one!

19 thoughts on “The Expendables 2 Is A Chick Flick

  1. Wyrd Smythe says:

    A chick flick!! You cracked me up! (Maybe you should come up with an article that reverses it; chick flicks as “dick” flicks (first time I’ve heard that expression; good one!).)

    I just saw it the other night for two reasons: Firstly, if I was going to see it at all, I wanted to see it on the big screen as utterly mindless visual whatever. Secondly (and mainly), those were my action film heroes, and seeing them all together in their dotage was… not a thrill, but kinda cool. It (almost) made the movie worth seeing.

    In retrospect, it was pretty awful. Incredibly cliched; no surprises; terrible dialog; and surprisingly low-budget action sequences. I enjoy a good gun battle as much as the next guy, but when it goes on and on and on and on and on…. ugh. Really the only props I can give it was the fun of seeing those guys in one movie.

  2. Hala J. says:

    Haha funny I read this not long after watching the movie myself. I have to admit I enjoyed it. And I’m the type of person who doesn’t care at all for chick flicks in general. I guess what I liked about it was how tongue-in-cheek it was even along with the over-the-top violence and bullets raining every five minutes. It was enjoyable. I watched it with friends, mostly boys. The friend sitting next to me was the only one laughing with me. (The others are relatively quiet movie-watchers). But it was fun. Crazy, stupid and utterly unnecessary, but fun. And sometimes, who wants more than that?

  3. I liked expendables number 1, especially when Sly Stallone choped off the dude’s head to save the pretty girl’s life. I wuz like OMG NO-WAY!? Right?! And then the part where the guy described what his weapons were going to do and then those weapons did those things! WHOOOOA!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Of course you did. 🙂

      1. I didn’t really like that much, of course. A little bit of silly overkill, here and there. Okay, it was a lot of overkill.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          David, you crack me up. It is funny, isn’t it, how the posturing one liners like “Go ahead, make my day.” and “Are you – tawkin ta me?” from tough guy movies make us laugh and at the same time make us feel like maybe we can be brave? Exploding body parts and blood and guts, yeah that we could probably use less of that stuff, but the talk, you gotta love the talk. 🙂

  4. Charles Norris Fan says:

    Has beens?? All these guys are true legends! You better hope you don’t run into Chuck Norris down there in a Texas Tom Thumb. He might show you his roundhouse kick!! LOL! Be sure to see the The Expendables first movie on Netflix now before you go to see this blockbuster sequel! I immensely enjoy your writing style, unique views, and humor Honie!

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Hey “Fan” Legends? Really? Stallone gives stage erections directions – “Yo fellas it’s like back in the day when we were in that bar in Saigon.” Van Damme says, “We were never in a bar in Saigon.” (Sly ignores Van Damme) “Yo Chuck, you do a round house kick and Yo Arnie, you yell Hasta la vista baby.” Swarchenegger says, “Yo yourself, I haven’t said that since before I was da govenator, wait, I gotta take a whiz again, I’ll be back.”
      I’m happy you enjoy my writing style and all that, but man, your taste in movies????dude, what the hell? 🙂 xo

  5. artsifrtsy says:

    LOL – I’m with you – I can pretty much imagine the plot in this mess – no need to buy a ticket. I’d rather pop some corn and watch Shawshank Redemption on TV for the 37th time:) I do kinda feel bad for these old farts – there was a time I would have seen a Stallone film and not cared about the plot – but that was a million years ago.

  6. changeforbetterme says:

    I found this post really funny! I can understand the logic behind too! I just shook my head at the trailer……I mean really? ALL of the old timers in one movie??? How could they even work together? Wouldn’t all that testosterone kind of void each other out? Just saying….. 😉

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Thanks:) yeah, the sweat alone must’ve been some kinda primordial mess to clean up!

  7. Brigitte says:

    This is so hilarious, Honie. How did you make it through to the end??? Shudder. (glad you didn’t go on that second date, btw). :).

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Thanks Brigitte. Oh, I didn’t even make it to the beginning. This is one of those kind of things that the founding fathers talked about as being “self-evident” – I didn’t have to see any more than the trailer to know everything I needed to know. 🙂

      1. Brigitte says:

        I can’t stand these kind of movies. Boo. But that’s just me and to each his own I guess.

        1. Honie Briggs says:

          LOL! Boo Indeed! Funny 🙂

  8. Impower You says:

    I like your different view. Are most dick flicks in fact chick flicks? Or is this an exception?

    1. Honie Briggs says:

      Hey Leah, thanks! Yeah, I think they are. It just takes a discerning eye to pick out the really good ones. 🙂

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