“My computer hates me.”
“Windows updates are designed to confound me.”
“My iPad and iPhone are plotting against me.”
“WordPress doesn’t love me as much as all the other bloggers.”
The bridge is out and I’m taking the detour through the seventh circle of cyber hell. Again. Not even by the light of a supermoon can I seem to find that Pentium trail to nirvana where all gadgets, widgets, pixels, apps, platforms and power packs work together to make my life the picture of efficiency and joy that has been promised to me by the updaters of downloads.
Either my days of meaningful communication are numbered or I am cursed.
I didn’t graduate from med school, law school or MIT, but I know a little something about how things work. The thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone. Air is sucked, squeezed (mixed with fuel) ignited and blown with enough force to send an aircraft hurling over land and sea. (Yeah, and some other stuff about the principles of fluid dynamics, pressure differential, thrust, lift….whatever Bernoulli.) When the power is turned on and the right buttons are pressed, something electrifying should happen. Instantly and without interruption.
Nothing works in O F F mode.
Your bots and tweaks will not defeat me. You may have the ability to appear out of nowhere, erase words, change settings and fill my inbox so you can drain my batteries, but if you think for one nano second I’m not on to your problem creation games of frustration, you better think again! Buffered into oblivion, cross-threaded or forever deleted in one swipe, I will not succumb to the siren call of the Geek Squad. EVER!
I know you’re all in cahoots.