Things I Don’t Know About Blogging

Remarks I find particularly condescending are: you don’t know what you don’t know and I have forgotten more than you will ever know. Unfortunately both seem pretty accurate when it comes to me and this whole blogging thing. There aren’t enough terabytes on the WordPress servers to hold what I don’t know about blogging, and their memory has probably been wiped clean of more information than I will ever know. Even though my dashboard is user-friendly I don’t yet know how to optimize its gadgets and gauges. I read zero to hero and how to get freshly pressed, yet I don’t know if it’s the titles or content or both that are still lacking that certain something to get readers interested.

Here are some things I do know:

If I am the only one laughing, it isn’t funny.

If I point out the obvious to my husband, he says, “What kind of idiot do you think I am?” To which I must reply, “How many different kinds are there?” If I call him an idiot, his comeback will just be, “Wife of an idiot.”

We do not consult the Complete Idiots Guide To…ANYTHING.

Trying to format text around photos makes me crazy. It takes me five times longer than the normal person to complete the same tasks. I have no idea why each time I save this post and go to the preview screen the formatting changes. I have cursed and threatened to quit for over an hour now and the only fix I can come up with is to keep typing until the next photo goes into the space where I want it to go. I will not give up.

Here are some other things I know.

Community service is good for more than just punishing first time offenders.

Shouting “NO BLOW POR FAVOR” does so keep the guy with the leaf blower off of the patio.

Buying pink, plastic crap will not help find a cure for cancer.

If you are a Petite Grande (yes that is an actual size) don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret. If you suffer from depression, no quantity of dulce de leche will make you feel better. If you go into the kitchen and forget why, turning around twice and swearing does not help you remember. If you look in the pantry, move the box of Special K, and reach for the Doritos you just might remember the next time you have to put on your big girl panties. If you read Summoning The Strength, you may laugh if you want to, heal if you need to, and no longer accept the statement we are only human as an excuse for bad behavior. As for blogging, I will press ahead!