Honie Briggs


If you are a kind and decent human being who drives a big-ass SUV, then you should know there are a lot of drivers out there giving you a bad reputation. It is my duty to tell you oh dear, gentle one, there are big-ass SUV drivers everywhere who are impatient, inconsiderate, rude, arrogant, aggressive, and mean-spirited. This must no longer be overlooked in a civilized society where non-big-ass SUV drivers still exist. Now I am all for people having choices when it comes to their vehicles. After all, our vehicle makes a statement about who we are. For instance, I drive a Lincoln MKZ because it is stylish and comfortable. It is made by a fiscally responsible manufacturer that has not asked to be bailed out by tax payers. I can fit lots of gardening tools, plants, and supplies in the trunk and thanks to the exclusive SYNC technology powered by Microsoft I can keep both hands on the wheel so I can be ready to steer clear of drivers who are trying to qualify for NASCAR or non-drivers who are causing a traffic jam while they text their latest random thought.

Some people drive pickup trucks to haul their gear/families/pets and that is fine. Pickup trucks are tough and give drivers good visibility. Plus dogs look really cool with their heads hanging out the window taking in the scenery. Bikers are the icon of freedom. Helmets, no helmets, leathers, no leathers, chick hanging onto a sissy bar wearing a skull cap and halter top or no top, turn signal or no turn signal. (Signals are available on all types of vehicles for use when turning and BEFORE CHANGING LANES.) I have a friend who drives a Toyota Prius. It hauls most anything she needs and saves her lots of money on fuel. I think that is GREAT!

Of course there are well-known stereotypes about the various complexes that plague people who drive sports cars but I say we let them have their harmless fantasies; it’s the big-ass SUV drivers with whom we must contend that set me ablaze with fuel-injected expletives. (Oh yes, I know them all. I learned them in the military.) Some drivers are more inconsiderate than others. That is to be expected no matter the vehicle. I suspect the driver for whom this post is intended will take this heartfelt message as the friendly gesture it is meant to be. If not, I will be watching for their own favorite gesture next time I drive to the grocery store.

This is what happened to my son’s Honda Civic while it was PARKED at school. Another student couldn’t back their dad’s big-ass SUV out of the parking space without taking off the whole front bumper. There was no damage to the other car and the driver was going to leave the scene but couldn’t get the cars unhooked. So the person had to go into the school and report it so they could leave for lunch. Yep, their dad’s insurance company just dealt with it. $$$ Lesson learned? Who knows? I doubt it.

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