Frankly My Dear

Writing a profound statement filled with the exact measure of wit and wisdom to make it popular, perhaps even hailed as great truth for a season before becoming a cliché is a praiseworthy accomplishment. Today’s writers who can manage it would find themselves among the likes of Shakespeare, Kipling, and Longfellow.

Once such a statement makes its way through the Cuisinart of social media however, it becomes worthless. Not wanting to be labeled as anti-social or media phobic, let me clarify that if you are one of the gifted writers who can inspire thousands with your drive-thru breakfast order, more power to you. You deserve all the praise you can get. Plus, sources close to me have indicated that I may be at a disadvantage because I’m not on Facebook and Twitter. Now, when I say sources close to me, what I mean is every single self-proclaimed marketing expert on the planet. So, really not that close to me.

Go ahead and label me. Just be sure to use the correct label.


One-liners are not my thing. They just aren’t. I don’t know why I’m not good at them. I’m just not. I mean sure, advertising slogans are doable. How ‘bout a nice knuckle sandwich lunch? You deserve a smack today. Like a good neighbor, mind your own bees-wax.

I get it. I truly do. There is no such thing as bad press. It’s easy as 1.2.3.

  1. Write something stupid
  2. Post it on Facebook/Twitter
  3. Get a court date

It’s no surprise that this has become such a big investment opportunity for people with more money than brains. I could be wrong. As you may well know, I am from time to time. Ad buys and badges on a corporate website probably are more effective than actually investing in community development. Advertisers are busy making sure consumers are aware of what happens in the bathroom. Thanks for keeping it real fellas.

1-Fullscreen capture 212013 115427 AM 1-Fullscreen capture 212013 115623 AM

Yesterday I received a robo-call from none other than Walt Disney World, offering a Tax Time Special Family Vacation Package. It seems in these troubling economic times families don’t have disposable income to enjoy fun time together as they once did and the Magic Kingdom must be running low on pixie dust. What a shame. Here’s a little something from the vault to tide us over until things pick up again. Keep in mind that if you’re reading this post after a court order has been issued to remove this video from YouTube, well, that just sucks doesn’t it?

There is so much more to say, such as, “I don’t give a damn if Beyoncé lip synced the National Anthem. Hell, people did that all through grammar school.” But I think I’ll try to keep my word count manageable today and conclude at around 500.

Of course, this photo is worth a thousand. Happy Friday!

No thing becomes more important than when we do not have it.
No thing becomes more desirable than when we do not possess it.

22 thoughts on “Frankly My Dear

  1. You are clearly not alone in your opinion that the world has gotten far too shallow and ephemeral, and it is — at least partly — the interweb’s fault. And most television before that. It’s hard being a person of intelligence, thought, perception, sense of sensitivity in this age. Maybe it always was, and the interweb just makes us more aware of it? I’ve never figured that out.

    1. I don’t like what it says about us, Val. I truly don’t, but it seems I may be alone in my own winter of discontent. I’m too old (and too flawed) for righteous indignation and it seems foolish to think it matters what I say. After all, talk is cheap, and getting cheaper by the day. So, it’s action that makes the most sense to me and that is where I am focused.
      It’s a process though. A painstaking process.

  2. I loved this post, but I have to say this comment thread just seals it with awesome. Can’t add anymore here other than this just cracked me up, and I couldn’t agree more!

  3. Everything is sound bites these days, tweets, blurbs, bon mots, etc. I admit to tweeting and posting on Facebook, but old-school prose is still my preference. I don’t think you can get an accurate picture of a person in 140-character snippets. But apparently that’s all anyone has the attention span for these days. However, if I were to label you, Honie, I’d label you GROOVY.

    1. Madame, we are two groovy chicks! I was starting to wonder if I’d said something to piss everybody off, but then I discovered several comments (yours included) had gone into the spam. WP must be “tweaking” again. I’m too wordy for tweets. I think an accurate picture of me takes way more than a blurb, but I have to say, I like GROOVY.

  4. What a wonderful time we live in, now your potty habits can be posted to your timeline for all to see – forever. I got the middle one to scan – I love QR codes. I have one for my blog, my photography page, my best friend’s dog’s Facebook page – perhaps I am too entrenched in social media…

    1. I was so excited to discover the QR code App. Although I never have used it for anything except creating those three. I think if it was used for something besides shoving crap in our faces, social media would be worthwhile. For now I am satisfied with not being part of the “in crowd”.

      1. I like using the codes for shortcuts. I made one for work that you could scan to subscribe for a newsletter and one for a “like” on the company Facebook page. Sorry for the double comment – I thought I was losing my mind today.

        1. It is weird. All of my usual commenters are going to spam. Earlier today I was getting a WP notification and an email each time I responded to comments on my blog. Did FB purchase WP and we just don’t know it yet?

            1. You know how it says right on a social security card NOT For Identification Purposes, but they are used almost exclusively for that very purpose? In the future maybe everyone will have to have FB verification before being allowed to use public restrooms. Too bad for me I guess, better start hoarding Depends. Maybe there’s a coupon for them on Living Social.

              1. Haha! You know they have to monetize that sucker to payoff the investors – perhaps you are on to something. I noticed yesterday that when I wished an old friend a happy birthday that FB was there to offer me a handy gift just by clicking. So personal.

  5. Maybe we are too connected if an ad about our potty habits ends up on our timeline – there for the world to see, forever. I actually get some decent interaction from my blog on FB. More often than not I just cringe at something in the news feed. Please, don’t drink and post!

    I got the center code to work. I confess my geekdom here – I have QRs for my blog, for my FB photography page, and for my best friends dog’s Facebook page – perhaps I am a bit too connected…

    1. Charmin
      If I was out in public and had to log into FB to find a bathroom, OMG! But then again…maybe I could create some sort of elite sit or squat squad who Tweets where the cleanest bathrooms are located. FB could use that meta data to help advertisers discover where people most often go to the bathroom so they could station R&D people nearby to snag them for focus groups.

      1. LOL – Maybe there’s an App for that – I’m sure there is and I’m sure it won’t “check you in” on Facebook. “Lorri is at the restroom at McDonalds” – I think that’s a bit too connected.

        Actually I just checked – there are 64 potty location apps. Have2P is the first one on the list.

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