Not For Bot Consumption

Teaser The WordPress Automaticians created a great annual report for each of us that gives an overview of our 2012 blog performance. The fireworks are quite impressive. I’m not sure the report takes into account the impact of my spambot audience. One of the places from which views were most referred seems to be a scumbot email address.

I really want a super-sonic laser-pingback that fires a shit storm at spammers.
I really want one of those super-sonic laser-pingbacks that fires a shit storm at spammers.

I put together this list to show what I spent the last year writing for actual human readers. It isn’t a comprehensive list. I mean, who’d want to hack through re-hash 217 posts? Nope, this is just a snippet to give you the most bang for your blog viewing buck. So, for those who have nothing better to do on this New Year’s Eve, here are the categories.

In The Weeds

In The Weeds

What A Friend Won’t Tell You

Word Count: 185566 Words Later

Good Grief

Blogging From The Heart

Blogging Makes My World Go Round


Original Poetry

Not Quite Out Of Touch

Perception Is Not Reality

Life Right On Time

Variations On A Blogging Theme

Another One Of Those Days

The Unvarnished Truth About Being Freshly Pressed


The Deep End

Any Port In A Storm

Provoking My Thoughts

The Self Talk

Stray Dogs

Pick A Thought Any Thought: The Magical Anatomy Of The Blog

Bird Brain Ideas Duck And Cover



Color Commentary

(Something for the sports fans.)

Back To Reality

Nothing But Net

Blogging High On The Crimson Tide

How to too

Honie’s How To

(Something for the do-it-yourselfers)

How To Use Simple Math To Become Something We’re Not

How To Write About Something Stupid: I Mean Really Stupid

How To Mind Your Own Business

How To Spot BS Without X-Ray Vision

How To Be Married Like You Mean It

How To

Special Days

Every Day Is Mother’s Day

What I Learned From Frances

The Price Of Fatherhood

What Did You Say

It Was A Really Good Day

Exquisite Indulgence

Days I Should’ve Done Something Besides Blogging

(This was an embarrassingly long list. So, I scrapped it.)

 Shit Nobody Read

(This was another embarrassingly long list I decided to delete because not even I could discover a nugget that needed salvaging.)


What A Rant-O-Rama

(Surprisingly not a longer list. Seriously.)

Message From

Who Do They Think They’re Fooling

Mayday Mayday Mayday Reason Reason Reason

An Open Letter To Doctors

What’s Wrong With This Picture

Yesterday’s News

For The Love Of God What Is Wrong With These People

What The Flim Flam

What Fresh Hell Is This

The Drug Mule

360 Degree View

dot com

Shameless Self-Promotion

(Not embarrassing. That’s why it’s called shameless.)

Honie Is Blogging, Seriously?

Summoning The Strength: The Preface

Self Publishing: One Year And Counting

Smashing Good Times

Self Publishing Insiders Trading

It Was My Lucky Day Interlude

What Self Publishing Means To Me

Because It’s Better Than Having Your Guts Ripped Out By A Wheat Thresher


100% Pure Honie

How I Met Larry McMurtry

Living In The Moment

Take It Any Way You Want

What Happened When The Power Went Out

Jury Duty

Time To Flip The Scrip

A Matter Of Death And Life


Coming Out Of A Summertime Coma

Blog Bling Prevents Erectile Dysfunction

Thanks For Reading.

2013 Is Gonna Be A Blast!

BiG BanG

R U 4 Real? I Love U 2!

All we want for Christmas is to get this over with!
All we want for Christmas is to get this over with!

You may be sitting at your desk, having coffee, going through the motions, trying to wrap your head around everything that is happening in the world while you read this blog and other blogs. Suddenly another day has become filled with the thoughts and emotions of other people. People you’ve only just begun to know. Well, sort of know, as well as you can actually know someone you’ve never met in person. Like a pen pal, only with the ability to transmit what you’ve chosen to share with them to millions of others with one click.

Exciting? or kinda terrifying? Maybe a little of both.

This is our cyber existence, where shared reactions mean that we’ve formed relationships. Where people love each other based on data without any certainty of that data’s accuracy. The litmus test for that “love” isn’t based on 29 levels of compatibility. It’s based on what? An amazing gravitar image? A well-written essay? A grand gesture of kindness or courage?

Maybe a little of each.

Getting to know each other incrementally isn’t what we do anymore. We make fast friends based on a few bits of choice information. We watch each other walk the tight rope. Waiting. Wondering. Does this person really have what it takes to live up to the image we’ve built up in our mind? Do they think I am a fool? Do they think I’m trying to fool them?  This is no different from any of our in real life relationships.

At work it goes something like this:

Am I gonna get the job? Is this dumbass interviewing me really going to be my boss? What? I got the job? That’s great, let’s grab lunch together once a week until you reveal what a buffoon you are and I take your corner office.  – Was this guy really a good fit for our team? What if he discovers I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground? What if he is asked to complete a 360 degree eval on me? Should I start a file on him when we get back from lunch, just in case?

At the bar it goes something like this:

This place is packed. How the hell will we ever get noticed? Should I have worn those Jimmy Choo’s that make me taller? Oh, that guy is checking you out. Does he have a friend? Can you make eye contact? Yes, score! He smiled at you and they’re walking over here . Quick, do I have anything in my teeth? Two guys approach you and your friend. How’s it hangin’, says bone head #1. Next thing you know, your paying off his student loans. Bone head #2 knocked up your friend and now they have a mortgage. AWESOME!

It’s Christmas Eve – day. It’s important to make that distinction in my family because evidently when I say, “Let’s get together for Christmas Eve” I should anticipate the question, “Do you mean Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Day?” People I’ve known my entire life, with whom I’ve shared all of the things a family shares, like chickenpox and bad haircuts, for some reason can’t seem to communicate with me as well as someone I met through this blog. Sad? I suppose. Surprising? Not really.

So, it’s Christmas Eve – day. I slept until 11:30 a.m. AWESOME. Actually I was trying not to get involved with the refrigerator repair that was scheduled to happen sometime between 8 a.m. and noon. The repairman called at 11:59 (no kidding) to say he was on his way and as I sit here listening to the conversation going on in the other room between the repairman and my husband, I hear something I do not want to hear…a part order, reschedule installation after the holidays…$300 dollars!!! What? He writes a check.

NOTE: Don’t buy another disposable appliance from GE.

So, it’s Christmas Eve – day. No filtered water, no ice cubes. No big deal. We’ll make do. Right now I have more important things to think about. Tomorrow the family arrives, for the week. Food, fun, family. What more could I ask for? Nothing, that’s what. Except there is more. Much more. A package arrived this morning from my friend in California. A total surprise! I’m not big on surprises, when they are used for taunting me. Like, “I’ve got a surprise for you, but you have to wait until…or you can only have it if you’re a good. Yeah, waiting for a promised surprise? Screw that!  But I love it when packages arrive that I get to open right away. I’m a big kid. We’re all just big kids, aren’t we? When I called my friend to thank him, he said he was on his way home from a flower market in downtown L.A. and now I’m thinking next year, Christmas Eve – day, in L.A.

The point? It’s Christmas Eve – day. Down time. Time to reflect, recharge, reboot and to realize that no matter how you know me, in real life, in cyber life, work life, home life, the after life… I love you. Today is Christmas Eve – day, time to love everyone. Even the bitch who cut you off in her gas-powered cell phone on your way to the HonieBaked Ham store?

Yeah, even her.

Here you go Big Kids. Look out, love’s coming right at you!

Big Balls

Time To Get Serious

Goose Liver

I thought I could wait, but 2013 is going to be busy. So, I think it’s best if I go ahead and get this post out of the way. Some of you knew I couldn’t take the rest of the year off, didn’t you? Of course you knew. (thanks for not shouting at me for my freakishly long comments on your blogs)

This holiday season we need to ask ourselves a collective, “What do we want?” Do we want a future free from violence? An environment free from pollution? Or do we like living in our virtual cocoon hoping no one notices we’ve drained the reservoir. Do we want cures for disease or just erections and collections of support ribbons in every color of the rainbow?

It’s time to stop dicking around. Elected leaders need to put out or get out. Teachers need to be properly compensated for the enormous job they do. They do not need to be stripped of their abilities to inspire creativity and motivate students to think for themselves. Children need to be children. They do not need to be made into the image of hookers and soldiers for entertainment purposes. The world needs people who have self-respect, who are accountable for their actions and who do not litter. The world does not need any more assholes or greedy bastards.

How do we turn want into abundance? How do we provide for need? Our scientists know. Our economists know. Our scholars know. Seriously, they know. Adam and Eve exchanged those gifts on the first Christmas. What? Adam and Eve didn’t celebrate Christmas? hmmmm Are we sure about that? Do we need to debate it, call each other names and duke it out in the parking lot or can we agree that people are created from the joining of an egg and a sperm? Most of us have evolved or at least have opposable thumbs. Our mythologies, fantasies, illusions and delusions are what make us unique. Oh, and our fingerprints. Everything else we have in common. We all have blood and body parts. We all inhale and exhale. We all go potty. Unless a person gets assistance from a qualified physician, creating humans only happens in one way. So, if it isn’t your intention to create another human being that requires food, shelter, clothing, books and puzzles, constant attention, continuous support, affection, supervision, direction, instruction, mobility and more food, wear a condom or don’t have sex.

We can speak and sing and dance and love and see and move and do. What are we waiting for? Do we really need more stuff to argue about? Do we really need more than 500 cable channels? Do we really need laws to regulate how loud TV commercials can be? Do we really need to use up our resources transporting plastic shit across land, air and sea? Do we need to make a list of the harmful things we are doing to ourselves, to each other, to the planet, to our future? Will that help us get serious? Do we need to make a list of ways to support, honor, respect and maintain ourselves, each other, the planet, our future? What’s it going to take? Tell me and I’ll get write on it.

P.S. So far this holiday season Toyota of Irving and Fuller’s Jewelry in Addison, Texas have violated the CALM Act. Plus, telemarketers are not abiding by the National Do Not Call registry. Oh, and I’m going back to school next year!

While all of that sinks in, enjoy this from Our Time In Eden

One Weird Friday

Blue Bonnets

Today I have the blues. Not “my lover ran off with my best friend” lonely hearts club blues. Not “I’m a blob and I’ll cry if I want to” pity party blues. Not “everybody hates me, I think I’ll go eat worms” cray cray survivor man blues. It’s more like a mild case of “how great would it be if I could hibernate until springtime” moody blues.

I was reading about twenty-somethings grabbing life by the scruff, holding on and going wherever the wind blows. What a great adventure! I accumulated a lot of frequent flyer miles flying by the seat of my pants like that. Now, looking back, I know that all of the great things about my life couldn’t have happened any other way. Growing up in a place where girls go to college to become fascinating at dinner parties, where unless you were Helen Keller or Rosa Parks, your value to society was summed up by your cooking skills and baby making potential, (it’s probably changed since I was there) I wanted no part of it and said, out loud, “Nobody’s telling me what to do, I’m joining the military.”

Yeah, I get the irony.

It must be an impulse for an end of year evaluation that made me search my iTunes library for a song to help identify what I’m feeling so I can shake off these blues. Music helps me burn off excess thoughts that accumulate from time to time. Searching for a blast from the past that has not been used to sell cars is damn difficult, but having a can do attitude even when I have the blues helped me find this:

Another year is coming to an end and I am forced to ask “what’s next?” Not knowing the answer can make you feel like a candle in the wind, but don’t despair if you feel like this:

It helps to remember this:

Whether or not we realize we’re doing it, we make life what we want it to be.

Willy tried to tell them BYOB didn't mean bring your own bathrobe.
Willy tried to tell them BYOB didn’t mean bring your own bathrobe.

Happy Holidays Everybody. Until next year….peace.

About What You’d Expect On 12.12.12

Preparations are under way for Honie’s Holiday Hootenanny 2012. Sweet treats and savory morsels will fill Fiestaware on every flat surface – standard holiday fare – cheese balls, sausage balls, rum balls. You’ve gotta have balls this time of year. Calories roll right off of round food.

Spending the mortgage money on frivolities? Don’t forget the batteries. All around the world people will eat, drink and be merry from now until the wee hours of 2013; except in places where they won’t. The season to be mean for no reason has passed and now everybody loves everybody, except those who don’t. There’ll be no visions of sugar-plum fairies and zombies slugging it out in the figgy pudding, unless nutcrackers stand guard.

It’s ChristmaHanukKwanzakah. The time of year for hope, renewal, peppermint, depression, house fires caused by unattended candles, weight gain caused by eating too much square food. I think anyone who has read much here knows my belief that some topics/people don’t deserve attention. I don’t give my personal “take” on things going on in the lives of others that I believe should remain private. I don’t write about religion, mainly because I am not a theologian, but mostly because for all the talk about that slippery slope, nobody knows better than I how badly one can skin one’s ass on the descent of such a slope. Keeping it real and loving you all, in the purely platonic sense of course, I write what I know, things I think, stuff that makes me laugh. Sharing beauty and happiness is easy enough when you have it to share; revealing struggles and heartbreak, a bit more challenging. There may be thousands of people willing to do it, but there are millions who would never dream of baring their soul for public scrutiny.

For all the tidings of good news and great joy of the Christmas season I have never fully understood the enormous loss of life connected with this season. Even from the original story, all male children under the age of two slaughtered in the search for Jesus? No one talks about it. Throughout recorded history people have been ostracized, murdered even, for following Jesus AND for not believing in Jesus. Humans have made The Prince of Peace cause for war and yet we still look to the night sky for that star of wonder. During the Christmas season the lonely and suffering fall on their knees, listening for the sound of angels’ voices. Some take their own lives out of incomprehensible despair.

How does hope, condensed into one season, stop the unspeakable acts of cruelty and violence inflicted in all seasons all over the planet in the name of all that is holy? Why don’t we let heaven and nature sing? Will there ever be peace on earth? I am unapologetic for questioning it and I won’t quit until I get an answer.

Now who’s in the mood for a party?

Where's The Party?