The Unvarnished Truth About Being Freshly Pressed

Believe the hype. It’s all that and a truck load of party size bags of Doritos. When your post hits that top-tier of the WordPress.com homepage, angels begin to sing, you cannot avert your eyes from its radiant glow. Just before your retinas become permanently damaged, you realize people are reading your post, and liking it, even commenting. So, you turn your attention to the commenters and that’s when the party begins.

It’s like a rave actually with Tiësto as the DJ. Then a parade of magical butterflies leads you over a swinging bridge to a carnival where Brad Pitt is handing out free snack cakes and you don’t have to stand in line for the bathroom or unicorn rides because there are thousands of them. (unicorns not bathrooms.)

All is right with that fantastic world, but you toggle back to the home page to be sure your post is still there. As you begin to see your post slip slowly down the Freshly Pressed page, a chill makes you click back to your post and lean into the warmth of friendly gravitars. Maybe even clicking some of them to see where they take you.

And now your back. You might feel like you need a shower. 

What’s this? No new likes in over an hour? Where have all the commenters gone? Didn’t they like the music? It’s Oingo Boingo for goddsakes! And that’s when it hits you, the party’s almost over. You wrap a blanket around your legs that have fallen asleep because you can’t force yourself to get up and turn out the lights. Hope lingers a little longer that another reader will show up and rekindle the comment section.

Somewhere in the distance a baby cries; no it’s your ego. Fifteen minutes of fame is reduced to five in the digital world. Love’s labors lost in the ethos, only a shaft of light remains from your fleeting glimpse into the heaven occupied by demigods and popular blogs. Sadness settles over the landscape as your Freshly Pressed masterpiece drifts off into the digital sunset.

Fret not! Faint heart never won fair followers. Be brave; as Bill and Ted would say…

“BLOG ON DUDE!”

Yeah, getting Freshly Pressed is a party all right. One I seriously needed and I am immensely grateful for after last week bitch-slapped me so hard that I’m already in 2013.

I can confirm there are still pinheads on TV and people still idolizing them.  No states actually seceded from the union. The general didn’t get busted down to a private for his private life becoming general knowledge, but there is a rumor of a tell-all on a new 24 hour news channel called I Own Everything, Even The News. (I’ll let you guess who owns it.) Oh, and there may be a Ho Ho deal in the works with a small contingent of disgruntled sandwich artists looking to get in on the ground floor of the snack cake business, but there’s talk they may have to move to Mexico to do it.

That’s all I am willing to divulge about the future, lest I get slapped back and have to repeat ninth grade. I just won’t risk it. So, here’s some original poetry instead.

who would have guessed
i’d get freshly pressed
because i confessed
 
at first it was thrilling
my inbox was filling
my fingers were willing, but my shoulders began to ache
 
my loyal follower (what a sweetheart you were)
rubbed them with all of his might
then he caressed me
tried to undress me….

oh, got a little side tracked there, um

getting freshly pressed
for something you confessed
can help you get undressed….no wait, that’s not right
 
it’s fun while it lasts
it goes really fast
can be quite a blast
now that it’s passed
i’ll get off my ass
I’ve got more writing to do!!!

THANK YOU~THANK YOU~THANK YOU

Here’s the extra unvarnished truth about my post:

There is no denying I felt a rush of terrific excitement when I received notification that Confessions of a Constant Commenter was going to be Freshly Pressed. Shock and disbelief first, then terrific excitement. I created a new dance. Then I got busy cleaning up the place, swept out the sidebar and fluffed the header. If you have read much of my writing, you know how meticulous I am about housekeeping; especially with company on the way.

Look, they misspelled HONIE

What a nice way to get over a crappy week, people stopping by with accolades and appreciation. There were the usual friendly greetings and support from those bloggers I’ve come to know and respect. Those for whom I would rather censor my rant than ever become an unwelcome guest on their blogs. 

Imagine my surprise how few of my new visitors noticed the first paragraph was a dead give away that I do not have an issue speaking my mind.

 “You know that I freely share my skepticism observations of the bullshit nonsense I read in the news.”

Or that the second paragraph held a clue those who loaded their comments with hyper-links chose to overlook.

“Blogs I follow are creative, artistic, and as far as can tell, written by decent, thoughtful people who are similar to me in some way…” 

Or that the comments I chose to refrain from tatting up other people’s blogs with ARE  RIGHT HERE IN THIS POST for good reason. BECAUSE….I decided that the exceptional writing of [other blogger’s] posts deserved more than my smart-ass remark.

AND …nobody cares if it repulses [me] to see snatching, clawing, hoarding freaks who spend money they don’t have on shit they don’t need so they can impress people who couldn’t care less about them. People who then turn around and donate their worn out, used up crap to charity so they can feel better about their materialistic selves. 

I did comment on Fear No Weebles BECAUSE I KNOW…. just how damaging that bitch, the self-talk, can be.

I was disappointed that no Oingo Boingo fans stopped by, but hey we can’t get everything we want all at once. That would spoil us! Thank you for reading, commenting, following.

Not completely satisfied? You’re only one click away from someplace better.  

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50 Responses to The Unvarnished Truth About Being Freshly Pressed

  1. Wyrd Smythe says:

    Well, congrats!! I wondered why that post had, like, a gajillion comments! :)

  2. runoffwriter says:

    The FP sun has set, but I’m still here…and for the long haul…following ‘cuz I like reading somebody who knows and speaks her own mind, come what may! And aside from the principle of the thing, I just find the truth far more interesting… blog on, my friend!

  3. Hala J. says:

    I can’t believe I haven’t commented on here in so long! I feel like a jerk. Congratulations on becoming Freshly Pressed! I admit I haven’t checked FP in a really long time so I didn’t even know you were featured. And yeah, I can only imagine the whirlwind it causes, damn. Glad you had your time in the spotlight ’cause you deserve it indeed. Congrats again!!
    :-D

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    Freshly Pressed is a whirlwind, isn’t it? And then afterwards, reality sets back in. :)

    Say, I just sent you an email. I didn’t see your lovely email to me until now because it ended up in my spam file. Sorry to be so late getting back to you, but I really appreciated your kind words about my book. Thank you!

  5. Tech Tard says:

    Glad you were freshly pressed because that’s how I found you, and I LOVE your writing!

    • Honie Briggs says:

      Me too lady. That YOU love my writing is worth every muscle cramp. And brain cramp! HA! Thanks for the compliment. I’ll do my best to give you something to smile about or think about with each post.

  6. jmgoyder says:

    Must’ve been a weird experience!

  7. iRuniBreathe says:

    Yay for a Freshly Pressed party and ensuing hangover. I’m glad I found you, Freshly Pressed, or not, because now I have some good postings to look forward to. I’m sure you have more up your sleeve than just what Freshly Pressed found.

  8. I have to admit, I rarely look at Freshly Pressed. When I have time to search for interesting blogs, I search for specific types. I was pleasantly surprised when I wandered to Freshly Pressed for the first time in months and came across yours. Despite your FP hangover, I am glad I found you there. Your quick wit and sense of humor were refreshing. Congrats, and thanks for the smile.

    • Honie Briggs says:

      Cassandra your comment made my day. I was resigned to go on a comment fast until I purged the last 72 hours from my system. My computer was off, I was on the sofa relaxing, watching Seabiscuit, thinking about how the characters in that story had such courage and strength, coming from behind and reaching for an impossible goal with fire in their hearts. When the movie was finished I went to plug in my phone and noticed I had a notification for your comment. Getting Freshly Pressed has never been my goal. Your comment is. Thank you so much for the thoughtfulness. Like your discovering my writing, your comment is right on time.

  9. Honie Briggs says:

    Here’s what I think. Sometimes I comment and people must say to themselves, this lady’s a wackadoo because sometimes I think, damn, I’m a wackadoo.

  10. Confession time: I always skip over other people’s musical recommendations because I never actually run across other humans who like any bands I like. If I’d taken an extra half-second to read the song title, I would’ve recognized it and immediately registered a few extra WordPress accounts just so I could add extra Likes to your post.

    My personal favorite track of theirs was “Out of Control”. Even though it had none of their usual edgy whimsy, it was one of those songs that struck me at just the right moment in time, when I needed it most.

    Also: I think no one chimed in about the snatching, clawing, hoarding freaks because too many of us ARE those freaks. If Black Friday doesn’t bring it out in us, then something else will, whether it’s a flimsy “Clearance Sale!” sign in a department store or those crazy Amazon Gold Box deals.

    • Honie Briggs says:

      That is a fair assessment. Can’t disagree with you one bit. I guess I kinda thought maybe there would be more discussion like, “yeah I can’t stand when…” or “dude what the hell is up with…?” Not people telling me how I should boldly comment whatever I want to or thinking I was running some kind of etiquette seminar. I don’t write to be Freshly Pressed and I’m not a “like” junkie so the point of the post was lost on most of the FP crowd. I could have just posted a YouTube video of Tiesto.
      I do comment whatever I want, where it’s appropriate. My vents and rants stay right where they belong, on my home court. When did we stop knowing that you don’t shit on someone else’s doorstep and then dare them call you on it? I guess I’m just not like most people. The rules of engagement for public discourse aren’t what they once were. It’s a sad day in Mudville.

      • I know of this very pain. If I had a nickel for every time I posted something in anticipation of one set of responses, only to watch everything go completely off the rails in a different, disappointing direction…well, I’d finally be making money off my Internet writing for a change. :D

  11. Storkhunter says:

    I have found loads of awesome blogs thanks to FP so yes I think it’s great. I do agree with a previous commenter that WP should ask if you want to be FP’d. And I also agree that they don’t follow their own guidelines for choosing posts to Freshly Press.
    Your blog is totally press worthy and I am glad you were coz I found you. I’m also a little jealous, it’s like getting a gold star from the teacher.

    • Honie Briggs says:

      Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. I don’t know what the FP guidelines are and honestly was thankful when it stopped being the landing page. When I sit down to post something I’ve written I’m focused on that post, not finding blogs to read.
      It isn’t hard to do, there are a bazzillion, finding the right ones is important. I tend to be choosy and have stopped following a blog because it turned out not to be a good fit with all of the other stuff in my head.

      • Storkhunter says:

        Oh I agree about finding the right ones. I don’t just randomly follow. I read a few posts, see what the author is about. But I gotta say, I follow quite a few blogs and they don’t disappoint. Looks like I’ve chosen wisely. Well, it’s good to know that I don’t make bad decisions all the time :)

  12. When I first started at WP, I checked the Freshly Pressed posts and the first one I liked stopped blogging. Then the second one I liked (I don’t mean “like buttoned” I mean… enjoyed the blog) stopped blogging. I wasn’t sure if I was the anti-FP, so did some reading around, and realized – FP doesn’t ask if you will accept being FP’d, they tell you. And that seems sort of, I dunno, wrong to me. Those two who stopped were brand new to the blogging world, and it was too much for them. Understandably so! And FP doesn’t follow its own rules for how you get FP’d, so… I stopped checking.

    In the past 6 months, I have looked at the FP page exactly twice. Both times, I found great bloggers, so I’ve decided that the Universe is watching out for me. And I want to give an award to the Universe, for finding you and the other blogger for me! Way to go, Universe!

    Oh… and congratulations! :-D

    • Honie Briggs says:

      What a kind thing to say about the universe…and me. Being the anti-FP isn’t a likely scenario, probably just means not everybody wants to have their writing trampled over by a wild stampede of unexpected visitors when they’re just beginning their blog. Understandable. When I first started blogging, being Freshly Pressed wouldn’t have made me quit, mainly because I purchased my URL, I’m all about getting my money’s worth. Also, there was less than zero chance what I was writing was worth anything to anyone other than me. It certainly would have made the frustration and pain I was going through at the time harder to deal with if a pack of if I’d been Freshly Pressed.Thanks for the kind regards.

  13. Congrats! I think I stopped by before the Freshly Pressing and missed out on all the praise and comments you garnered. I definitely think your blog is worthy of the attention! If for no other reason than because you quoted Bill and Ted. And started an R-rated poem. Sadly though, the Boingo was lost on me.

    • Honie Briggs says:

      Yeah, and the fact that you were one of the elite seventeen I mentioned (that obviously offended a couple of people) you get a prize. Pick up something nice for yourself and charge it to WordPress. (yeah, they gave me an account. the Freshly Pressed concierge told me so.)

  14. artsifrtsy says:

    I felt a lot of pressure to be witty or super spontaneous in my next few posts after getting a grip on what FP actually was – like I would lose all those follows if I didn’t perform as well, but some great people stuck around. The numbers have no real relation to the quality of your writing or thinking. Enjoy them!

  15. I am one of the struggling – secretly hoping to be Freshly Pressed someday. I LOVED your successive pictures of the smiley sun, slowly sinking into the horizon. While the fame may feel fleeting, it is still fame, so embrace it!! Oh, and the poem, priceless!!

  16. Congratulations! It’s well-deserved, although I am a bit jealous!

  17. Give yourself time to get back on the ground. I’ve never had traffic like the Freshly Pressed day, but I did gain some new readers and also found a lot of bloggers that I now read regularly. It did take me a couple of weeks to shake off the numbers thing, though. Still – fun while it lasts!

  18. I got Freshly Pressed last week and now I have a popularity hangover. Where did everybody go? On the other hand I like it better if I think no one is reading my blog. It takes away the performance anxiety. I don’t have to think, “Are they going to like this or unfollow all at once?”

    • Honie Briggs says:

      I know what you mean. I’m just wondering what I’m gonna find under the sofa now that they’re all gone. Plus, the holidays are coming up and we’d have to buy some air mattresses if they hung around while our family’s in town. No, it’s better this way. Peace and quite. :)

  19. I LOVE Oingo Boingo! I forgot to comment on the link you posted to the Oingo Boingo song but it didn’t go unnoticed. I was actually just listening to Dead Man’s Party yesterday. And I’m glad you did comment on my post, even if you didn’t swear as much as you wanted to. :) Next time.

    Also, I know what you mean about that Freshly Pressed high. It’s like heroin.

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